well, bless my soul
by Becks Rylynn
Summary: He met her about a week and a half after he turned twenty-six and if he's feeling particularly cheesy, he'll say meeting her was the best birthday present he had ever gotten. The evolution of a relationship. Seven parts.
1. She walks in beauty

_AN: Now, don't worry. This story is complete with seven parts so it will not take away my time from Queen of Hearts and there will be no waiting around for updates. I'm going to update once a day. Just some additional info about this story, it was originally supposed to be a Dean/Ruby's First Host story but I changed it around a little so it would fit a human Ruby. So it is MAJORLY AU. I was going to post it in the 'a million little stars spelling out your name' collection, but then it got long. Anyway, this story is pretty much this year's 'a ghost of you.' I worked really hard to get it finished and finally here it is._

**Title:**_ well, bless my soul  
_**Summary: **He met her about a week and a half after he turned twenty-six and if he's feeling particularly cheesy, he'll say meeting her was the best birthday present he had ever gotten. _The evolution of a relationship. _Seven parts.  
**Pairing:** Dean/Ruby.  
**Genre:** Angst/Romance  
**Rating:** T for language and themes.  
**Timeline: **Starts Pre-Series and goes all the way through the series and to 5.22.  
**Spoilers:** Spoilers for all aired episodes of _Supernatural.  
_**Warnings:** Human!Ruby and heavy AU.  
**Notes:** Title from the song _Say (All I Need)_ by OneRepublic which is the unofficial theme song for this story.  
**Dedication: **This story goes out to **Daddy's LiL HeartBreaker** basically just because she's awesome and I'm really going to miss our D/R talks over the summer.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters that you recognize. I do not own ''She Walks In Beauty'' by Lord Byron either.

* * *

**well, bless my soul**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

* * *

Chapter One:  
**''She walks in beauty''**

* * *

_she walks in beauty, like the night  
__of cloudless climes and starry skies;  
__and all that's best of dark and bright  
__meet in her aspect and her eyes  
_**-lord byron**

* * *

He met her about a week and a half after he turned twenty-six and if he's feeling particularly cheesy, he'll say meeting her was the best birthday present he had ever gotten.

* * *

_She's a beautiful girl. With snowflakes in her hair and her cheeks tinged red from the cold weather. She looks like the kind of girl he would go for, the kind of girl he would stroll over to in a crowded bar and start a conversation with. She's beautiful and delicate looking and that's what he likes in a woman. But she's different. She looks frazzled, tired with the world, burned out by the constant motion around her. And she's a mom. She has a baby on her hip, bundled in a snow jacket, little mitten clad hands grabbing at her hair._

_He doesn't notice all of this, of course. At least not at first. He's here on a case (witches, the annoying pests) and she's just another person on the crowded street corner and he doesn't know her, so why would anything other than her beauty catch his eye? He's on his cell phone as he passes her, listening to his father ramble on and on and on endlessly about how he'd better check in when this case is over because last time he didn't and ''do you know what I went through, Dean? I thought you were dead in the gutter. That is not a pleasant feeling.''_

_He's hurrying down the street as snow falls from the sky, fed up with his father's suffocating attitude and hating the world like only teenagers are supposed to and he shuts the phone with a grunt of frustration, mind drifting towards his brother. And he's thinking about Sam and she's thinking about getting home..._

_...And then the baby in her arms drops a mitten, the small article of clothing slipping off the tiny hand and falling noiselessly to the cold ground that is quickly becoming covered in snow._

_It's funny. Isn't it?_

_How such a small thing like a child's mitten can throw people together into something much bigger than either of them ever could have imagined._

_Now, he may not look like he's a gentleman, he may adamantly refuse to be acknowledged as anything other than badass, but he has a soft side to him that is warm like rich hot chocolate and a sweetness that cannot be denied lives inside of him, leftover from those four precious years spent in his mother's company, something that cannot be hardened by years of war. He sees the look on her face. How flustered and exhausted she is, juggling the baby and a bag of groceries and that hero complex this life has built inside of him decides to make an appearance._

_He moves swiftly, snatching up the mitten from the ground before someone steps on it and when she looks at him like he's a hero, well, that's just a plus._

_She smiles tiredly. ''Thanks. That's like the third time that's happened today.'' She laughs lightly, shifting the child on her hip. ''I feel like he's trying to tell me something.''_

_He chuckles softly, a smile breaking out on his face for the first time all day, his eyes moving to the child. The little boy's eyes have landed on him, gazing up at him in either pure wonder or horror, his bare hand stuffed into his mouth while the other is tangled in his mother's blonde hair. ''Hey, bud,'' he greets the boy with that soft voice he reserves for small children and Sammy, his fingers effortlessly and gently tugging the baby's hand out of his mouth and slipping the mitten back on. ''You should keep those on,'' he warns and the boy's newly gloved hand reaches for him. ''It's cold out.'' With a grin, he turns his gaze back to her and that would be the moment he realizes just how...beautiful she really is._

_It makes him swallow hard. The last time he had to swallow hard because of a girl's beauty was Cassie._

_He snaps himself out of it remarkably quick, still grinning that seemingly careless grin he has perfected over the years. ''Trust me, this is nothing. When my little brother was four, he went through this phase of hiding his winter clothes. Eventually, my dad found them all under his bed. Every month, like clockwork, we'd find this huge pile of coats and scarves and mittens under the bed. And Sammy would say he was making a bed for the dust bunnies because he thought it was sad that they had to sleep on the floor.''_

_And when she laughs and smiles brightly, he has to swallow hard again. ''That's sweet. ...In an adorably innocent way.''_

_When he notices the way she seems to be uncomfortably shifting the grocery bag, her bare hands quickly losing grip as she holds her son tightly, he does that Winchester thing. He saves the damsel in distress. ''Why don't I take this for you?'' He offers, easily taking the bag from her grasp._

_''Oh, that's really okay,'' she starts to protest, but he's not willing to back down from this one. ''You don't have to - ''_

_''It's okay,'' he says. ''I don't mind.''_

_Her lips curve into a soft smile, her blue eyes meeting his. ''Thank you...''_

_''Dean.''_

_''Dean,'' she repeats. ''Well, Dean, I'm Ruby. And this little troublemaker,'' she sends her son a brilliant smile that lights up her eyes. ''Is Wyatt.''_

_''It's nice to meet you, Ruby.'' Eventually, after a moment that feels like it goes on for too long, he tears his eyes away from her. ''And you too Wyatt,'' he adds, earning a murmur of something that he can't quite distinguish from the boy. ''Listen, can I give you a ride anywhere? It's cold and it looks like there's a storm coming.''_

_''That's sweet, really, but I live on the next block so - ''_

_''Then let me at least walk you home. Make sure you get there safely.''_

_She looks at him for a minute, looking unsure of him and the kindness he's showing her that he suspects she doesn't get very often. In the end, a small laugh escapes her lips as she untangles her son's hand from her hair. ''Are you always this chivalrous?''_

_''Only when there's a pretty girl standing out in the snow with her baby.''_

_''Are you trying to sweet talk me?''_

_''That depends. Is it working?''_

_She smiles again, shaking her head and he thinks he can see the beginning of a blush starting on her cheeks. ''I appreciate the offer, but I don't know you. And my father was always very clear when he said that I should never talk to strangers.''_

_''I'm not a stranger,'' he protests. ''You know my name.''_

_''How do I know that's your real name?''_

_''You're very stubborn.''_

_''Thank you.''_

_''Please let me walk you home. I promise, I won't try anything.''_

_She studies him closely for a moment and then her eyes stray to Wyatt. She looks at the baby, teeth sinking into her lower lip, conflict in her eyes and then she sighs heavily and nods. ''All right. You can walk me home. But I do have to warn you, if you try anything I will kill you and say it was self defense.''_

_''Deal.''_

* * *

They had an adorable first meeting. Really, they did. Something to tell the grandchildren. He walked her home, she kissed his cheek and then he left, shaking off whatever feelings may have taken over him. That was supposed to be the end of it. It was a chance meeting. A once in a lifetime thing. He was never going to see her again. But then the case he was working on decided to bleed over into her life when he found out just who the witch in the city was.

As it turned out, her roommate was a sweet girl who fawned over Wyatt, developed a habit of bringing Ruby a coffee every morning and regularly prayed to the dark side.

Things only got worse when she took Wyatt.

* * *

_''You're crazy!''_

_Dean huffs impatiently, crossing his arms, eyes steady and focused on Ruby. ''Quite possibly,'' he deadpans. ''But right now I'm the only hope you've got. You want your kid back or not?''_

_She shakes her head, backing away from him. Her tearstained cheeks and the terror in her eyes seem to mock him with cruelty and he absolutely hates that she's afraid of him. ''I'm calling the - ''_

_He crosses the room in two quick strides and rips the phone from the wall, carelessly tossing it on the ground. ''Ruby, you can believe me or not. I don't care.'' Except that's a lie. In all honesty, he does care if she believes him. ''Just tell me where Stacy's room is.''_

_She looks at him, looks behind him towards the door as if she's trying to decide whether or not she should make a run for it. He moves in front of the door, blocking her exit. And when he opens his mouth to speak, she turns around and darts into the kitchen with speed he didn't know she possessed. _

_He sighs. ''Great.'' Pinching the bridge of his nose, he steps over the phone and makes his way into the kitchen. His eyes fall on her slightly trembling form at the counter, her back to him and he feels this twinge of regret start in his stomach. It's a shame that she has to know about these things. He never wanted to disrupt her normal life with her son. If he had wanted to turn her life upside down, he would have asked for her number when he walked her home. But he didn't. Because she's young and beautiful and she's got a son that should grow up with apple pie instead of demons and ghosts. ''Ruby, I know this is - ''_

_She whips around to face him, eyes dark and fierce, her fingers wrapped around a knife that is pointed in his direction. ''Stay away from me,'' she growls out._

_''For Christ's sake, woman!'' He bursts out, but he puts his hands in the air anyway because it is a very large knife that looks like it could do some real damage. ''I am trying to help you! What part of that don't you understand? You need to believe me when I say - ''_

_''You burst in here and tell me my roommate is a witch and she's the one who's taken my son because she's going to sacrifice him to a demon and you expect me to believe that you're just trying to help? You're insane! You need help! You're probably the one who took my son!''_

_''Okay, you know what? I don't have time for this. Your friend? Yeah, she's a psycho. She's a witch. She's like a Charmed One, except she's evil. Witches are real, ghosts are real, demons are real and it may be a lot to take in, but it's the truth. Now, you want to have me arrested? That's fine. I'll sit here and wait for the cops like a good boy and I won't even flinch. But can you call the cops after I bring your son back? Because they won't be able to find him. I will.''_

_She falters, her grip on the knife loosening. ''How will you find him?'' She asks, suspicion still lacing her tone._

_''I don't know yet,'' he answers honestly. ''I need to see Stacy's room.''_

_''Why?''_

_''If she's a witch, she'll have an altar somewhere.''_

_''That's - ''_

_''Crazy? Yeah, I got that memo, sweetheart. But it's the truth.'' He eyes her closely; pretty sure she's starting to believe him. ''Can you put the knife down?''_

_''No,'' she fires back easily. ''I think I'll hang onto it for awhile.'' She tilts her head to the side and cautiously takes a step towards him. ''I can take you to her room,'' she says, movements still uneasy, knife still held tightly in her hand. ''But only if you're sure that this will help you bring my son back.''_

_''I'll get him back,'' he says, looking into her desperate eyes. ''I promise.'' It's a direct violation of the rules his father has burned into his brain. Never make promises you can't keep. But he can't stop the words from escaping his lips this time and he realizes, as she shows him to Stacy's room, that this is one promise he knows he has to keep._

_''Thank you,'' he says softly, brushing past her and into the room._

_''I'm crazy for believing you,'' she admits. ''I'm stupid for trusting you.''_

_''But you do anyway?''_

_''I don't know why.''_

_He pulls open the drawers of Stacy's desk, roughly pushes her mattress off the frame of the bed, yanks books off the shelves and then his eyes fall on the closet. Sparing a glance at her, he grasps the doorknob, pulls it open and arches an eyebrow at the sight before him. ''That's why.''_

_She pushes off the wall she's leaning against and joins him, eyes widening when she sees the altar in the closet, candles and demonic symbols written in blood. He glances at her briefly, watching the disbelief in her eyes slowly give way to fear. ''Oh my god,'' she breathes. ''You were...You were telling the truth.''_

_''Excellent deduction skills, Sherlock.'' Stepping forwards, he grasps the edge of the table and roughly tips it over, stomping on the wood to break the symbols, glass crunching under his boots._

_''Is that it?'' She asks when he steps back to admire his handiwork. ''Is that...?''_

_''No,'' he says shortly. ''Now I have to find them.'' He bends down to pick up a photograph off the ground, the smiling face of a baby boy staring up at him from behind a red X. He presses his lips together and works hard to keep his blank mask on his face, crumpling the picture before she can see._

_''Wait!'' She catches his arm when he attempts to move past her, opting for setting the knife down and just digging her nails into his arm instead. ''I want to go with you.''_

_''Absolutely not.''_

_''Dean, if she had your son...'' He doesn't budge, staring down at her with empty eyes, determined to keep her out of harm's way. She doesn't give up though, leaning closer and narrowing her eyes. ''If she had your brother...'' He reacts, flinching under her gaze before he can stop himself. ''What would you do?''_

_...Damn it._

_''Fine. You can come.''_

* * *

_''How do you know she's here? Are you sure she's here? What if you're wrong?''_

_''Good God, woman,'' he snaps out. ''Do you ever shut up?''_

_He grimaces as soon as the words leave his mouth because he's dealing with a very emotional and desperate mother and he really doesn't want her crying all over him right now. But she glares instead of bursting into tears and mutters, ''I should've brought the knife,'' under her breath and that? He can deal with. ''How do you know this is the place?'' She asks, tapping her fingers on the dashboard anxiously._

_''There was a map in her room and - '' he reaches over to grasp her hand, halting her nervous drumming. '' - This address was circled.''_

_''That doesn't mean she's going to be here. If Wyatt isn't here, Dean - ''_

_''I know, I know. You'll kill me.'' He wrenches open the door and starts to climb out, pausing just long enough to throw her a look and say, ''There's really no use in telling you to stay here, is there?''_

_In response, she rolls her eyes at him and yanks open her door with a force that makes him uncomfortable. ''Watch the car, blondie,'' he grumbles, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards him before she can foolishly burst into the old abandoned warehouse in front of her with no plan whatsoever. A move that would get not only them but Wyatt killed. ''Stay close, be quiet and let me do my job,'' he orders._

_''I don't like men who give me orders,'' she says._

_''Right now, that's too damn bad.''_

_''You know,'' she mulls. ''You were so nice and thoughtful when you walked me home.''_

_''Yeah, well, my chivalry died a horrible death when you pointed a knife at me. Now, shush. We're being sneaky now.''_

_She glares at him and looks like she'd really like to say something, but she doesn't say a word, letting him lead her towards the heavy metal door. He's guessing her silence won't last two seconds, but surprisingly, she makes it all the way inside and down a darkened hallway before she speaks up again. ''Dean - ''_

_He swallows a sigh, shouldering his gun. ''Hush.''_

_''But, Dean - ''_

_''Ruby, what part of 'we're being sneaky now' is lost on you?''_

_''Dean,'' she hisses his name out in impatience, reaching out to grasp his arm. He turns around, starts to scold her and then clamps his mouth shut when he sees the glow of a light down the hall, the flickering light casting eerie shadows on the wall. He pushes her behind him, ignoring her squeak of disapproval. ''Stay behind me.''_

_''You're entirely too bossy, Dean. You should - ''_

_The sound of a baby crying, loud, wailing, frightened cries for his mother filter throughout the place and he looks at her just long enough to see her entire demeanor shift. Her game face slips and she looks how she must feel inside. Like a terrified, vulnerable mother who just wants to have her child safe in her arms. His jaw clenches and he tries, and fails, to feel nothing at all. Stacy has her back to them when they get there, the room's only lighting the dim flames from the candles flickering on another altar. And when he sees that tiny baby with a nasty looking dagger aimed at his chest, hears Stacy's chants and feels Ruby's fingernails clutching at him, his heart stops for just a second. But then he comes back to earth and releases the safety on his gun. ''Hey!''_

_Stacy whirls around with a scowl on her face, black hair falling in her pale face. She perks right up when she sees them, however and honestly, that kind of freaks him out a little. ''Oh, hey guys! What's up?''_

_''Stacy,'' Ruby's voice comes out sounding choked and terrified, her eyes trained on her son. ''What are you...You can't do this.''_

_''Yeah,'' Stacy grimaces. ''Sorry about this, sweetie,'' she says, gesturing towards Wyatt. ''It sucks that this has to happen, but,'' she shrugs carelessly, eyes still bright and cheery. ''You can have others.''_

_''Just how mentally ill are you, Dark Willow?'' Dean blurts out before he can stop himself._

_''Oh, Buffy reference,'' Stacy chirps. ''Good one.'' She eyes the gun with distaste. ''You mind putting that down there, cowboy? You're very hot and I wouldn't want to have to kill you. That would be a shame.''_

_''You'd be dead before you tried.''_

_''Really? Let's see.''_

_''Look, Stacy. That's your name, right? Stacy? Stacy, listen to me for a second, all right? Don't you think handing over the kid is a better solution than having a bullet in your brain?''_

_She giggles. ''Sorry. Would if I could. But I need a sacrifice. Wyatt's small and not really that important to society. No one's gonna miss him.''_

_''I'm thinkin' his mom might disagree.''_

_''Oh,'' she scoffs, waving her hand dismissively. ''She'll get over it.''_

_''You know if you make one move towards that boy, I'll shoot you.''_

_She tilts her head to the side, curiously. ''You think your aim is that good?''_

_''Yes, I do.''_

_''Hmm. Well, you know what? I trust my aim too.''_

_It happens quickly and Dean doesn't have time to react. Stacy throws the dagger at him and before he can react, there's a body tackling him to the ground. The dagger clatters to the ground, his gun slides across the floor and Dean groans at the hard landing. Ruby rolls off of him quickly, her eyes go to her son and he reaches for her, but she's already up and gone, making a desperate move for her son. It doesn't work, but Dean knew it wouldn't. Instead, Stacy catches Ruby by the hair, pulling her back to her with an ugly smile that doesn't fit properly on her face. ''Then again, I suppose you'll work too.'' She drags Ruby over to the table and Dean pushes himself off the ground and starts to rush forwards, only to halt when Stacy holds up his discarded gun. ''I'll kill her,'' she warns. ''I mean, I'm going to kill her either way, but I think it'd be best if you just stayed right where you are. I think - ''_

_And then Ruby shocks them both by grabbing a pair of scissors lying haphazardly on the altar and shoving them right into Stacy's gut._

_A shocked scream escapes Stacy's lips and she chokes pathetically as blood trickles out of the corner of her mouth, the gun slipping from her weak grasp. ''You...'' She looks at Ruby with wide, surprised eyes, looks down at the pair of scissors sticking out of her and then lifts her gaze once more, fire in her eyes. ''Bitch.'' Her hand curls into a fist and she punches Ruby with enough strength to send Ruby to the ground. While Dean rushes towards Ruby, Stacy stumbles backwards until she hits the wall, sliding down until she's on the ground, eyelids fluttering shut._

_''Ruby,'' Dean hauls her to her feet, brushing hair out of her face. ''Hey, are you okay?'' It seems like a stupid question to ask when she's just killed another human being. ''Are you hurt?''_

_''I'm...'' Her slightly stunned eyes land on Stacy's limp body and her face pales, going ashen and sickly looking. She pushes past him without a word, making her way over to the body and Dean doesn't say anything because Stacy was a wackjob but she had once upon a time been Ruby's friend, right? Ruby crouches down in front of the fallen girl, eyes shining in the light from the flames. He hears her sigh heavily and watches her outstretch a hand towards the dead girl. Seconds before Ruby's hand touches Stacy's cheek, Stacy's eyes open. She gasps, looks straight at Ruby and lunges. Ruby lets out a scream worthy of a horror movie, falls backwards and Dean pulls the trigger._

_Blood splatters the wall behind Stacy's head and she slumps the ground with her brains on the wall and blood pooling around her._

_Ruby looks at Dean, a whirlwind of emotions flashing through her eyes. And he's really not sure what to say now. Their eyes lock and hold for a moment and then she lets out what sounds like a strangled sob, her eyes moving past Dean to something much more important. ''Wyatt.'' She scrambles to her feet, pushing past him to get to her son. ''Oh, baby.'' She gathers Wyatt in her arms, clinging to him like he's her lifeline, burying her face in his jacket. ''My baby.''_

_Dean watches tears of relief slip from her eyes as she holds her son._

_And that right there is what makes this life worth it._

* * *

Try as he might, he was unable to deny that there was just something about that girl. He still can't deny that there's something about her. She's special, that girl. And he had rolled through a lot of towns and left a lot of women wanting more; he had been asked to stay many times. But she was the one person who made him want to.

* * *

_''All of it?'' She asks, the morning light shining in through the flimsy curtains, the smell of coffee wafting up in the air from their mugs. ''It's all real?'' She holds her son tight, the little boy dozing in her lap, eyelids barely staying open, his little blue eyes still studying Dean critically as he sucks on three of his fingers and twirls his mother's hair. ''Ghosts? Demons? Witches? All of those urban legends?''_

_He nods, his grip on his coffee mug tightening. ''Yep.''_

_She blinks, shaking her head. ''Is there anything that isn't real?''_

_''Unicorns.''_

_She chuckles softly. ''That's too bad. My mother loved unicorns.''_

_He notices the past tense, but doesn't ask. ''You believe me,'' he says, and it isn't a question._

_''I have no reason to distrust you. You saved my son. You saved me. You're a good guy in my book.''_

_''I'm glad,'' he says honestly._

_She runs a hand over Wyatt's head of dirty blond hair, looking at Dean across the table. ''You fight them all?'' She asks. ''All the monsters and ghosts? You fight them?''_

_''I do.''_

_''Alone?''_

_''Sometimes.'' His father joins him on hunts now and then, but there's not really a big difference between being alone and being with his father._

_''That sounds lonely,'' she whispers. ''Do you get lonely?''_

_God, yes. All of the damn time. ''...Not really.''_

_She looks at him like she can tell he's lying, but she lets it go. ''Why do you do it? Fight these things? It seems like an awfully hard life.''_

_''Well,'' he shrugs. ''Someone's got to.''_

_''I think there's more to the story than that.''_

_He swallows, eyes moving to the sun outside. Snow is falling once again; little flakes that fall gracefully from the sky and land without noise on the busy world below. He's never said it out loud, not to anyone, but he's always loved the snow. His mom loved the snow. ''My Mom...'' He pauses, wondering why he's telling her this when he's never told anyone this before. ''She...'' He trails off and doesn't say the rest. He doesn't need to._

_''Oh,'' she says quietly. ''I'm sorry.''_

_He doesn't say a word, taking a gulp of his coffee just to do something, burning his tongue in the process._

_''You know,'' she clears her throat, smiling softly at him. ''You can stay.''_

_He freezes, locking eyes with her. ''You...You want me to stay with you?''_

_''If you want to,'' she shrugs. ''For a few days. Until the snow stops.''_

_Until the snow stops, he thinks. He looks at her closely and tries to decode her. But he can't. It annoys the hell out of him. ''I'd like that,'' he answers her with honesty, his eyes looking around the light apartment, baby toys strewn around the room, the feeling of home in the air. It's something warm and something he's never had and it's so very tempting. ''You have no idea how much.''_

_''But you can't.''_

_He offers her a smile instead. ''I can't.'' He doesn't stop her when she reaches across the table to take his hand, her finger tracing patterns in the palm of his hand._

_''Because you have to go save the world.''_

_''Something like that.'' He tangles his hand with hers and squeezes gently before rising to his feet. ''I should get going,'' he murmurs and he kisses her on the forehead just to feel her once without allowing himself to think. ''Thanks for the coffee.''_

_But she catches him before he can leave, calling out his name, ''Dean!'' And when he turns, she's got Wyatt on her hip and a soft smile on her face and she's reaching up to touch his face with care. ''You saved my son,'' she says again. ''Thank you.'' And then she leans up and kisses him on the lips._

_It's a five second kiss. Warm and soft. But it's something. And he closes his eyes when she kisses him so that must mean something._

_She pulls back with a grin. He opens his eyes. He thinks he should say something. But he honestly has no idea what to say. So, he says, ''I'll see you around, Ruby'' and hopes the absence of a goodbye is enough._

_''I'll see you around, Dean.''_

_He starts down the hallway, leaving her and Wyatt behind._

_''Dean!''_

_He stops, but doesn't turn around._

_''My mom died when I was thirteen,'' she admits, voice barely above a whisper. He turns around. ''Drunk driver. It hurt and it...it still hurts. It doesn't stop. And I wanted revenge. For a long time all I wanted was for the person responsible to suffer. But that wasn't what she would have wanted for me. Grief and rage are powerful things. But they're not the only things. Just...please don't let your need for revenge destroy you. Okay?''_

_He stares at her for a long time, before he answers. ''Okay.''_

**end chapter one**

* * *

**AN: As you can tell, this story is going to be told through a series of flashbacks until we get to where Dean currently is in his life in present time. I've tried to make Ruby a loving mother who is sweet but has a tough streak. One thing I know for sure is that she'll definitely become more...kick ass and sharp tongued as the story progresses. Anywa, the next update will be tomorrow and there will be somewhat of a time skip.**


	2. Come to me

_AN: I know what you're thinking. Chapter two already? I told you updates were going to come quick._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural, any of the characters or the poem ''Echo'' by Christina Georgina Rossetti.

* * *

**well, bless my soul**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

* * *

Chapter Two:  
**''Come to me''**

* * *

_come to me in the silence of the night;  
__come in the speaking silence of a dream;  
__come with soft rounded cheeks and eyes as bright  
__as sunlight on a stream;  
__come back in tears,  
__o memory, hope, love of finished years  
_**-christina georgina rossetti**

* * *

That seemed like the end. She was just another girl, just another case, just another city he would forget eventually. But fate threw them together under different circumstances and the minute he laid eyes on her again, he could remember the feel of her lips on his and his fists clenched at his sides. On a crisp, sunny day in late November, working a case with his brother, he saw her again.

Fate had always been cruel to him. It took everyone away from him eventually. Mom died, Sam went to college, Dad left him alone with a bunch of ex-marine crap...

But fate always had a way of bringing him back to her.

* * *

_''You know,'' Sam's saying as his fingers gracefully dance over the keys of his laptop, his eyes firmly planted on the computer screen in front of him. ''The lore on Jersey Devils is pretty interesting. There's a version that says a woman giving birth to her thirteenth child invoked the devil and when the baby came out it turned into a Jersey Devil and flew away.''_

_''Yes, Sam. I know the lore on Jersey Devils.''_

_''Of course you do.''_

_''I'm not an idiot.''_

_Sam stills, a brief smirk flickering across his lips for a fraction of a second, his eyes sliding upwards to his brother. After a moment, he shakes his head and looks back at the screen. ''Nah. Too easy.''_

_Dean rolls his eyes and in reply to the almost-insult, he leans across the table and makes a grab for the pastry on Sam's plate. Without looking, Sam slaps his hand away. Dean blinks, waits a moment and then tries again, quicker this time. Sam slaps his hand away again. Slightly discouraged, Dean sits back in his seat, folding his arms._

_''Don't pout,'' Sam says._

_''I wasn't pouting.''_

_''Then you were about to.''_

_Dean glares and reaches forwards with his other hand. Sam slaps that hand away too. ''You're a pain in my ass, Sammy.''_

_''Uh-huh. So, plan. Got one?''_

_''Don't you pride yourself on being the brains of the operation?''_

_Sam sighs patiently and shuts his laptop. ''This thing, if it is a Jersey Devil, seems to strike in the night. Once again, if it is a Jersey Devil, it can probably fly. I think we should - ''_

_While Sam rambles on about his master plan, Dean briefly scans the room for something to hold his interest and has to do a double take when he sees her. The sound of his brother's voice falls away and he sits up straight, staring at her for several seconds, trying to discern if that is, in fact, really her or if he just has an overactive imagination. When she looks up from what she's doing briefly to say something to the little boy on her lap, he catches sight of that familiar smile and there's no denying that's her._

_''Dean!'' Sam waves his hand in front of his brother's face. ''Are you listening to me?''_

_Eyes still focused on her, Dean rises to his feet without a word and makes his way across the room, leaving his brother staring after him, muttering ''jerk'' under his breath. Dean approaches her slowly, with unhurried footsteps and when he says her name, ''Ruby?'' she looks up at him with that same smile and those same eyes._

_She lights up at the sight of him. He tries to remember the last time a woman lit up at the sight of him. ''Dean!'' She stands, Wyatt on her hip just like before and she pulls him into a one armed hug that lasts longer than it should. She smells like coffee and what he can only assume is coconut shampoo, an odd combination, but it somehow works on her. ''It's so good to see you,'' she's saying as she pulls away._

_His hands linger for a moment too long on her waist. If she notices, she doesn't say anything. ''Yeah,'' he says when he finally finds his voice, smirk coming to rest easily on his lips. ''You too.''_

_''How are you? Are you good?''_

_''I'm good. You?''_

_She shrugs carelessly. ''I get by. Wyatt,'' her eyes fall on her son and Dean is momentarily taken aback by how much the boy has grown. His eyes, much like his mother's, are still the same. Still blue, still studying Dean like he's trying to read his mind. ''Do you remember Dean, sweetie? Say hi.''_

_''Hi!'' The little boy greets him with a sloppy wave and a toothy smile._

_Dean can't help but chuckle slightly, eyes sparkling as he looks down at the boy. ''Wyatt, dude, you've gotten big,'' he comments, running a hand over the dirty blond hair that is now longer and falls in Wyatt's face._

_''He's almost two,'' Ruby says, that twinge of motherly pride evident in her voice._

_''And you're dreading the terrible twos.''_

_''Extremely.'' She laughs that light and twinkly laugh that reaches all the way to her eyes. Dean wonders if he's smiling too widely. Her fingers graze his cheek lightly. ''You look good,'' she says softly. ''I hope you're being safe.''_

_''I'm alive,'' he responds._

_''Well, then you must be doing something right. What are you doing here?''_

_''Here in this coffee shop?''_

_''Here in New Jersey.''_

_''I'm, uh,'' he rubs the back of his neck anxiously and even though Sam is all the way across the room, he can still feel his eyes on him. He remembers her words from before and his lips twitch, curving into a crooked smile. ''Saving the world. One Jersey Devil at a time.''_

_''Jersey Devil,'' she repeats. ''As in winged creatures with hooves?''_

_''You know your mythical beasts. Impressive.''_

_''You grow up in New Jersey, you hear things.'' She looks over his shoulder briefly, mirth dancing in her eyes. ''Are you aware that we have an audience?''_

_Dean turns around just in time to see Sam swiftly turn his head back to his computer. ''Stealthy,'' he mutters under his breath, shaking his head. ''Hey, Sammy!'' When Sam lifts his eyes with a sheepish smile, Dean crooks his finger at him, beckoning him forwards. _

_Sam looks like he wants to object, but ultimately stands and joins his brother, greeting him with a hurried, ''I wasn't spying.''_

_''Sure.''_

_''I wasn't.''_

_''Uh-huh.'' Dean claps a hand on his brother's shoulder; Sam winces at the tight grasp. ''Ruby, this is my brother, Sam.''_

_''Oh,'' her eyes light up with recognition. ''The one who hid all his winter clothes under the bed for the dust bunnies to sleep on?''_

_Sam blinks and casts an extremely unimpressed look towards Dean, letting him know that he is so going to pay for that later._

_''Wow,'' Ruby looks Sam up and down with an arched eyebrow and an approving grin. Her eyes slide to Dean, then back at Sam, then back towards Dean. ''Those are some mighty fine genes.''_

_And Dean smiles at her and she smiles back and this would be the point of the story where it goes 'and the rest as they say, is history.' Fate threw them together, tore them apart and threw them back together again. That would be the end of it, right?_

_Wrong._

_Fate has some other things in store for them._

* * *

To this day, the Jersey Devil case remains one of the most uneventful cases they had ever been on. Sam needed stitches on his arm. That was about it. It was an easy kill, an easy wrap up. It was the things that happened after the case that changed everything.

After the case, he ended up on her doorstep. He had no logical reason to be there, but he was. For no other reason other than the fact that he just wanted to see her again.

* * *

_''Dean.'' She looks surprised to see him, eyebrows raised, hair pulled into a messy ponytail. ''You're here.''_

_''I don't know why I'm here,'' he admits, letting out a quiet laugh that could be considered as nervous. ''It's late.''_

_''That's okay.'' He can't help but think that even in jeans and a t-shirt with a worried little frown on her face, she's still beautiful. ''Is everything okay?'' She asks, clasping her hands in front of her. ''Is your brother all right?''_

_''Yeah, everything's fine. I just...wanted to see you before we left.''_

_''Oh.'' A barely there smile starts on her lips for a second, her blue eyes meeting his. He thinks she might be able to see through him. ''There's that chivalry again.''_

_''Yep. I keep trying to throw it in front of a bus, but it just keeps coming back.''_

_''Why don't you come in?'' She offers, holding the door open. ''Wyatt's at his grandfather's for the night. We could - ''_

_''Get together? Have a few laughs?''_

_''Did you just quote Die Hard to me?''_

_''Mythical creatures and action movies, huh? What don't you know?''_

_''I was raised by a single father. I know more about cars, action moves and classic rock than anything else. It's why I was so relieved when I had a boy.''_

_...Okay. He thinks he's in love. Hiding behind his charm, he leans against the doorframe, grinning down at her as he tugs on her ponytail gently. ''I find that very attractive.''_

_She studies him for a minute, lips pursed, eyes narrowed and he can see where Wyatt got it from. ''French Literature,'' she deadpans finally, stunning him into a brief silence._

_''Excuse me?''_

_''You asked me what I don't know. I know nothing about French Literature. I was planning on taking a course in college. But then I got pregnant and dropped out. Best laid plans and all. Now come inside. We have some catching up to do.'' And she smirks a smirk that can rival his own and takes his hand, pulling him into her apartment and into her life._

_The door shuts behind him._

* * *

_And yes, it ends pretty much the way you're thinking. There's talking and laughing and drinking and smiling and he hesitates to even think it but...it could be better than laughing with Cassie. Ruby's different. She's not like the others. She's...special. She tells him things. She has a tattoo of Wyatt's birth date on her lower back. She tells him Wyatt's father, Cody, a wannabe rock'n'roller suggested it. Getting Wyatt's birth date tattooed on his arm was the last thing Cody did that could remotely be considered for his son before he took off on tour with his mediocre band. He checks in a few times a year, but he's pretty much gone._

_In response, he tells her about Cassie. How he saw a future he had never seen before and how she tore it all away when he told her the truth and she called him crazy. These are things he's never even told Sam and...he can't help but think he should feel guilty for telling her these things and not Sam. But he doesn't. Sam has his secrets too, you know. There are probably things about him that only Jess knew. So...Dean figures they're even now._

_She tells him she's adopted. She tells him about her parents, everything her mother was and everything her father is. Dean can't help but be a little jealous because...because Joey Daniels sounds like the kind of man his father should have been. He tells her about his father, about their fractured relationship and the way he often got pushed aside in his childhood. He tells her how wonderful his mother was. But he doesn't tell her how she died._

_It's by far the most honest he's been with a woman. Ever. He thinks he should mind more. He doesn't._

_In another life, a different life, he thinks he could really fall for her. But it's not a different life. He's only got one life and it has monsters and demons and things she shouldn't have to worry about. As it is, the most he can give her is one night. He doesn't even plan on giving her that because he thinks she deserves more than that and she doesn't strike him as the type to just jump into bed with a guy she barely knows. But then their lips meet and all of his plans go out the window._

_She kisses him first, by the door when he's saying his goodbyes to her. It's something rare in his life and when she pulls away, she looks at him with searching eyes as if she's trying to ask if that was okay. He looks at her for a moment, desperately attempting to find the strength to pull away and tell her she deserves so much more than what he has to offer. Because honestly, he doesn't have much of anything to offer. But his lips are tingling and his body is practically itching for her and he suddenly can't remember the words he meant to say. ''You really shouldn't have done that,'' he forces out, trying to attempt a smirk._

_She bites down on her lip, which does not help the matter, and nods, looking away from him. ''You're right. It's too - ''_

_He loses control when a strand of hair falls from her ponytail, the delicate blond tendril grazing the skin of her neck. Then there's this voice in the back of his mind saying 'fuck it' and so he steps forwards and kisses her hard on the lips because goddamn it, she's fucking got him. He slings an arm around her waist to tug her closer to him, the other hand coming up to cradle her cheek as she wraps one arm around his neck, the other reaching out to slam the open door._

_He won't be leaving anytime soon._

* * *

_She lays her head on his bare chest, tapping her finger on his skin with every beat of his heart. She fits against him in a way Cassie never did. He stops comparing the two right then and there because it's not fair to compare them when they couldn't be more unlike each other. He twirls a strand of her hair absently, golden slipping through his fingers._

_He is the one who eventually breaks the silence, letting out a quiet sigh. ''I can't stay,'' he whispers, even though he wishes he could._

_She stops tapping and he feels her draw in a sharp breath. ''I know.'' She traces patterns on his skin for a moment before she pushes herself onto her elbow, looking at him expectantly. ''Will you stay the night?'' She asks. ''Just the night?''_

_He means to say no. Because she is a beautiful blonde and Winchesters do not have great luck with beautiful blondes. They usually end up on the ceiling. But for some reason, he just can't quite bring himself to say no to her. ''I think I can do that.''_

_She grins, pressing her lips to his once more._

_When she falls asleep, he plans on slipping out of bed and leaving because he really hates goodbyes. But her body feels warm against his and her hair falls in her eyes when she sleeps and he can't disappoint her like that._

_So he stays._

_If only for one night..._

* * *

_Ruby and Wyatt both come to say goodbye to the Winchester brothers the next day. She kisses him goodbye and it's bittersweet and filled with longing because normally after a good night, he'd be over her. But he still wants her very, very badly and the kiss is like torture because he knows he has to go._

_He means to say a definite and final ''goodbye.''_

_He says ''I'll see you around, Ruby'' instead._

_It means more than she knows, that missing goodbye._

_Climbing into the driver's seat, Dean puts the keys in the ignition and means to drive away. But then he catches sight of her in the mirror. He tries to pretend he isn't looking, but he's well aware that Sam catches him staring at her._

_''We can stay,'' Sam offers, much like Dean himself had done for his brother once._

_And much like his brother, Dean draws in a breath, shakes his head and says, ''No.''_

* * *

That should have been the end. Just another chapter in his life story. But endings, you should know, are tricky things...

He was determined to forget her after that. Trying to erase her with other girls and hunts. But then he started dreaming about her. And he just couldn't forget. Eventually, what was supposed to be the end, became the beginning.

The phone calls started around Christmas time. Every month, like clockwork, he would call. _Just to make sure you and the kid are doing all right_, he would say. He called her every month, he made a surprise appearance on Wyatt's birthday ('cause, you know, he saw the tattoo...), met her father and truthfully, the feelings that were starting in his gut scared the shit out of him.

When he was dying, when his heart was wearing out at age twenty-seven, he couldn't bring himself to call her because he wasn't sure he could handle her reaction. So he got Sam to call for him. He doesn't know the specific details of the call, but he knows she freaked the fuck out because he could hear her voice echoing from the cell phone all the way across the freakin' room. When he was healed, however, he did call her himself. And when she cried, he realized it was the first time since he got his second chance that he actually felt happy to be alive. When he re-connected with Cassie only to realize they were doomed no matter what, the car accident, _Dad_, the Sammy revelation...

She was always the first call. It went both ways too.

She called him when she got some of her artwork displayed at a local gallery (she doesn't know this, but he was there opening night), she called him on Wyatt's first day of preschool because the boy was terrified and didn't want to go until he talked to Dean.

He told himself that they were friends and he was _allowed_ to have friends, was he not?

It was only when her father died and he couldn't stop himself from rushing to her side that he realized he was falling for her.

And he just knew it was going to be one _hell_ of a landing.

* * *

_Through a grapevine he shouldn't even belong to in the first place, he hears about her father's death and finds himself overwhelmed with the need to see her. Sam begins to protest when Dean tells him he wants to visit Ruby, but softens like only Sammy can when he hears about her dad._

_He drives all night to get to her. Just like in the song. Except it's less romantic and not only does he drive all night, but all day too, finally reaching her when the sun is going down again. He missed the funeral but when he gets to the cemetary, she's still there. He wonders briefly, if she's waiting for him. He doesn't hesitate this time; he approaches her with confidence and sympathy because he knows exactly what she's going through right now. When she doesn't flinch, when she doesn't even look surprised when he puts a hand on her back, her eyes locked on the fresh dirt, its confirmation that she was waiting for him._

_''I'm sorry I didn't make it to the funeral.''_

_She doesn't answer._

_A breeze blows through the trees, the sound of rustling leaves filling the silence as her hair gently sways in the wind. He sighs, moving his hand to her shoulder. She shivers under his touch and the sound of her sniffle is the first sound she's made. Her eyes turn to him, empty blue irises that remind him much too much of himself. She meets his eyes briefly and tries to smile for him. It shakes and wobbles on her lips and she turns her gaze back to the grave._

_When she starts to speak, her voice comes out quiet and hoarse, like soft little strings of despair. It trembles and shakes, broken and fragmented. ''As children, we see our fathers as towers,'' she whispers. ''Strong. Indestructible. Everlasting. Fearless. We think nothing can touch them. Nothing can harm them. And...for something to truly take them away from us, it would have to be something truly horrific. Sharp and evil that makes the world fall. We all think we'll be there when our fathers go down in a blaze of glory like all heroes should. But...'' She pauses, blinking against the tears he sees in her eyes. ''When my daddy died...there was nothing that made the world fall. He died alone of a heart attack on a Sunday night with a glass of his favourite scotch in his hand and I...can't stop thinking about it. Did he suffer? Was he afraid? At the end, did he...'' Her voice cracks with an anguish she can't hide. ''Did he see mom?''_

_''Ruby...'' He'd love to give her the answers; he'd love to be able to tell her it will all get better with time. But he asks himself those questions about his own father every day and he still doesn't have the answers. And he's still waiting for it to get better with time._

_She brushes away the few tears that have fallen, smoothing the imaginary wrinkles out of her black dress. ''I'm a mother now,'' she says. ''I'm a grown woman. But I still have all these questions about life.'' Pain clouds over in her eyes, tears drip down her pale cheeks and her voice gets caught in her throat, grief strangling her words. ''And now there's no one left to answer them for me.''_

_Dean swallows hard, his own grief showing up with a vengeance. She really hit the nail on the head with that one. He doesn't have the right words to say to make it better for her. He doesn't even have the right words to make it better for himself. So he tugs her towards him before she can protest and wraps his arms around her, letting her tears soak into his shirt. ''I'm sorry,'' is all he can say, even though he knows it won't nearly be enough._

_''He was my whole world for...so long,'' she cries against his chest, her fingers grasping his shirt in a desperate hold. ''And now he's just...he's just gone. How am I supposed to live with that?''_

_It's his turn not to answer, holding her close and trying not to close his eyes because he's sure he'll see his father's face if he does. He's not good with grief. He doesn't handle his emotions in the best ways. He's been broken for months and he still can't figure out how to fix himself. But she's holding onto him like he's a life preserver and all he wants to do is fix her. ''Ruby,'' he speaks eventually, his own eyes landing on the fresh dirt. ''I don't know how we live with these things. I don't know how it gets better. It just does. I mean,'' he pauses, clearing his throat. ''It has to. Right? Someday...Someday we'll wake up and it'll be better.''_

_She draws away from him with red rimmed eyes still shining with tears. ''Right,'' she echoes. ''Someday.'' She smiles weakly, swiping at her eyes again. ''But not today.''_

_''No,'' he says regretfully. ''Not today. Today...Today you're allowed to cry.''_

_She nods slightly, looking up at him with devastated eyes. ''Dean,'' she says at last, voice hoarse from the tears in her throat. ''I'm really glad you're here.'' And she threads her hand through his with a smile that looks more like a grimace and leans up to kiss his cheek._

_They end up sitting on the slightly damp grass in silence for the longest time, her feet, bare after discarding her heels, digging into the cool grass. It may seem slightly morbid to be lounging in front of her father's grave, but he doesn't find it that odd at all. She doesn't want to leave her father alone, it's natural. After his father..._

_...He stood at his father's makeshift funeral pyre all night long because he couldn't bring himself to leave behind what was left of his father._

_She sits between his legs, leaning against him and he watches one of her hands toy with the silver ring on his finger while the other smoothes over the grass in front of the grave. ''How's Wyatt doing?'' He finds himself asking._

_''He's just a kid,'' she murmurs. ''He keeps asking where his grandpa is and when he's coming back. I've tried to tell him that Grandpa's with Grandma now but I don't think he understands that he's not...that he's not coming back.'' She draws in a sharp breath, leaning back against his chest. ''You know...Wyatt will forget. Eventually, he'll stop asking about him and...one day he'll wake up and he won't be able to picture his grandfather's face anymore. By the time he's a teenager, he'll have forgotten everything about him. And I think that's the saddest thing of all because...because my dad loved Wyatt so much. He was so proud of his grandson.''_

_''Some things he won't be able to forget,'' he says, offering her a little bit of comfort. ''I still remember things about my mom.''_

_She pushes forwards, turning to look at him. ''Really? Like what?''_

_''I remember,'' he pauses briefly, an image of his mother flickering through his head like a memory washed by water. ''She was beautiful. When I was little I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She smelled like lilac all the time. And her eyes...'' He swallows the lump that grows in his throat. ''They sparkled. Like stars.''_

_She smiles a watery smile, grazing her fingertips across his cheek. ''I wish I could meet her.''_

_''I wish you could too.''_

_She silences again, twirling his ring while he runs a hand through her hair. ''Do you know what really scares me?'' She whispers after a moment. ''What if I wake up one day and-and I forget too?''_

_''You won't,'' he says quickly. ''You won't ever forget.''_

_She frowns, but either can't find the strength to speak or can't think of anything to say, collapsing back against him._

_''Are you cold?'' He asks when he feels her trembling._

_She takes a moment before she answers. ''Yes. But...'' She stops him before he can offer her his jacket, squeezing his hand. ''I think I'd like to be cold for awhile, okay?''_

_He looks up at the stars like there's something he's searching for. ''Okay.''_

_''He liked you, you know.''_

_He's jolted back to reality by the sound of her voice, arching an eyebrow. ''Your dad?''_

_''Yeah. When he met you at Wyatt's birthday party. He said he liked you. And that...that was pretty high praise considering he never liked any of my guys.'' She laughs a low little laugh, pushing hair out of her eyes. ''He hated Cody. But you...I don't know, he just said there was something about you.''_

_''I'm sorry I didn't get to know him better.''_

_''Yeah,'' her voice cracks, but she makes a valiant attempt to shake it off. ''Me too.'' The silence falls between them once again, lasting longer this time. He's not sure what time it is, but he knows it's late. The sun will be coming up soon. And he'll have to leave her again. She must realize that too because when she suddenly leans up and kisses him, it feels so much like she's trying to make him stay. ''How long can you stay?'' She murmurs, pulling away just enough to whisper against his lips._

_He closes his eyes when the longing starts. ''Not long.''_

_''Can you stay just a little while longer?'' She pleads, vulnerability seeping into her tone like poison. ''Please?''_

_''Sure,'' he says with a small smile. ''A little while longer. I can do that.''_

_Until the sun rises. He'll stay until the sun rises and then he'll slip away from her like he always does._

_He kisses the back of her trembling hand and wraps his arms around her like she's something precious he has to protect._

_Until the sun rises..._

**end chapter two**

* * *

**AN: Yeah, so I kind of borrowed Joey from the 'Silver Ring' series AGAIN in a little unseen cameo as her father. That dude just has a way of sneaking into my stories. Another thing that's mentioned briefly in this chapter is Ruby's profession. It's mentioned once and then never mentioned again, but she's an artist. I had this whole plot line in my head involving her artwork and her job for that later on. However, I scrapped that and went with a different one that comes up a little later.**

**Part three up tomorrow afternoon!**


	3. I fill my arms with thoughts of thee

_AN: So here we go. Chapter three. This chapter ranges from the end of season two until the beginning of season four._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural, any of the characters of the poem ''To Mary'' by John Clare.

* * *

**well, bless my soul**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

* * *

Chapter Three:  
**''I fill my arms with thoughts of thee''**

* * *

_i sleep with thee, and wake with thee;  
__and yet thou art not there;  
__i fill my arms with thoughts of thee,  
__and press the common air,  
__thy eyes are gazing upon mine,  
__when thou art out of sight;  
__my lips are always touching thine,  
__at morning, noon, and night  
_**-john clare**

* * *

The calls came more frequently after that. Twice, sometimes three times a month. _Just to make sure she's all right,_ he told himself. He knew the pain of losing a father, after all. How deep it cut, how much you bled, all those tears you cried.

Just as things were getting back to normal, his face was soon plastered all over the news. She sounded downright pissed off when she called him and screamed at him for ''being a big idiot'' and getting himself caught like that. She was mad. But she made him smile and suddenly being under house arrest wasn't so bad. When Sam was possessed, he felt this immense sense of relief that Meg hadn't gone after Ruby and Wyatt, using Jo as bait instead. The one thing that did scare him was that when he was shot and plunged into icy waters, a movie played behind his eyelids and aside from seeing Sam, he saw her. And that scared the crap out of him because what he was feeling was growing stronger every day.

Then there was the Djinn...

She was not in his so called perfect world and while Carmen was beautiful and kind and he had a feeling he could have loved her if he tried, he still saw Ruby when he closed his eyes and Carmen may have been a dream, but she still deserved someone better than him. He left his mother behind and woke up to his brother and the real world. But then he went to sleep and dreamed of a different world with _his_ Sam and his parents and Ruby's lips against his and Wyatt calling him ''Daddy.''

It was a pipe dream, of course. But it was nice to dream sometimes.

But then...

...Then Sam died and he couldn't even dream anymore.

Sam died and Dean shattered into a million unfixable pieces. He didn't call Ruby. He meant to. He took out his cell phone and stared at it for a long time, trying to remember how it worked. What buttons to press, what her phone number was, how to speak. But he couldn't remember to _breathe_ without Sam. How was he going to work a fucking cell phone? Losing Sam hurt like nothing else in the world. Like a million bullets piercing his heart, a billion volts of electricity shocking him into oblivion, a thousand ton weight sitting on his chest. Living without Sam was unbearable. It was pain in its purest form.

So he made a deal.

He kissed the Crossroads Demon like he had never kissed anyone before, with desperation and agony, sealed his fate and Sam woke up.

Dean surfaced for breath.

Then he shot that yellow-eyed bastard for his mother and his father and he breathed another breath of fresh air that felt like heaven to his burning lungs.

He was happy. He was dying, but he was happy. At least until Ruby called to make sure everything was all right. He watched all chances he may have had with her fly out the window when he was forced to tell her he was going to die...

* * *

_The late afternoon sun shines down on him as he leans against the Impala, eyeing the house in front of him. It's a nice house, with a nice looking lawn, flowers in the front and a lilac tree in the corner near the window. It looks a lot different from the slightly run down house he helped her move into all those months ago. It looks like it would be a nice place to live. It looks like a home. It's a shame he'll never get the chance. But maybe now Sam will get the chance to live in a house like this one day. And that makes it all worth it, right?_

_He catches sight of Wyatt racing past the window as if the universe is answering his unasked question._

_Heaving a sigh, he moves forwards, already dreading her reaction. She won't react well. That much he knows. She'll be angry at him and scared for him and she won't ever understand why he had to do what he did even though she should. She would have done the same thing if it were Wyatt. Approaching the situation with extreme caution, he presses the doorbell and hears Wyatt's shout of ''Momma! Door!'' A small smile starts on his lips._

_The door flings open and there's a high pitched cry of his name and Dean reacts quickly when Wyatt catapults himself at him, catching him and effortlessly lifting him into his arms. ''Wyatt,'' he greets as the boy wraps his arms around his neck. ''Buddy, you supposed to be playing doorman?''_

_''Wyatt!''_

_''That would be a no,'' Dean says with a smirk._

_''How many times have I told you to not - oh!'' At the sight of him, Ruby lets out a surprised shriek and drops the dish towel she's holding, rushing forwards to wrap her arms around him. ''You!'' She pulls away to smack his arm. ''What? You don't call first now?''_

_''I'm unplanned.''_

_''Like me!'' Wyatt chirps._

_Dean blinks. ''...Not exactly.''_

_''Wyatt, you have got to stop eavesdropping,'' Ruby says, shaking her head and ushering Dean inside, shutting the door behind him._

_''Momma!''_

_''Dude, turn the volume down,'' Dean advises._

_''I wanna be a doorman!'' Wyatt announces proudly, grinning a huge grin that lights up his eyes._

_''You be whatever you want to be, honey.''_

_''When Sam was ten, he watched Ice Castles and decided he wanted to be a figure skater,'' Dean can't help but blurt out._

_''Most kids want to be president,'' she mutters, ''mine wants to be a doorman. I got the odd kid.'' But she's smiling as she says it, ruffling Wyatt's hair and sending him a wink._

_''Yeah, wonder where he gets that from.''_

_''His father,'' she says simply, turning around to clear toys off the couch._

_Dean and Wyatt look each other and shake their heads._

_''Don't think I didn't see that,'' she warns, taking her son from Dean's arms. She smiles and takes his hand, pulling him over to the couch. ''So, are you gonna tell me?''_

_''Tell you what?''_

_''What catastrophe brought you here unannounced.''_

_''What makes you think there was a catastrophe?'' He asks, letting her push him down onto the couch._

_She sits down next to him, much too far away in his opinion, and settles Wyatt on her lap. He's still grinning that huge, contagious grin of his that makes Dean smile despite the battle going on inside of him. ''I know you,'' she says with a shrug. ''You always call first. Not this time. Why is that?''_

_The smile fades from his face and he has to draw in a deep breath, leaning back against the couch cushions. ''All right. You got me.'' He looks at her, then at Wyatt and he tries to tell himself this is not only to save Sam's life, but it'll make their life better too. Ruby can find some guy who treats her like a queen. Some guy who'd be the perfect dad for Wyatt. That's the way it's supposed to be. But it's so hard to tell himself that when all he really wants is to stay here with her. ''I, uh, I have something I need to tell you,'' he finally manages to sputter out, lifting his eyes to hers. ''It's important.''_

_She pales and he feels a small twinge of guilt for scaring her. ''Wyatt,'' she smiles, wide and fake, for her son. ''Do you want to watch a movie?''_

_He looks at her oddly for a moment. ''You said no movies for the week 'cause I was bad.''_

_''Yes. True. I can make an exception. Just this once.''_

_''Can I watch The Wiggles?''_

_She falters momentarily, a slightly dark look flickering across her face. She sighs eventually, with a roll of her eyes. ''Sure.''_

_''Okay then!''_

_Dean fights a smile as he watches her rise from her seat. When her back is turned towards them, Wyatt crawls across the couch to peer up at him with those big eyes of his. ''Hi,'' he whispers, waving a hand._

_''Do you...want money from me or somethin', kid? 'Cause the last time somebody looked at me like that I got swindled out of twenty bucks. And it was your mother.''_

_Wyatt stifles his giggles by putting a hand over his mouth, face lighting up in glee. ''Nu-uh.''_

_''No, really. She gave me that little smile of hers and - ''_

_''I don't want money,'' the boy laughs, before he crawls into Dean's lap, small hands grabbing at his necklace. ''You gonna stay?''_

_Dean smiles again only this time it has a sad edge to it. ''Not this time, bud.''_

_''Okay, baby,'' Ruby smiles just a little too brightly and presses a kiss to her boy's forehead gently. ''Your movie's on. Dean and I are going to go get you some cookies, how does that sound?''_

_''You say no cookies 'fore dinner.''_

_''I changed my mind.''_

_He blinks at her, shrugs and seems to find nothing wrong with her answer. ''I like chocolate chip,'' he says, bouncing off the couch and plopping himself in front of the TV, eyes transfixed on the brightly colored show he's watching._

_And Dean finds himself squirming under the intensity of Ruby's gaze. She yanks him to his feet and pulls him into the kitchen before he can protest, the door swinging shut behind them. ''Are The Wiggles demons?''_

_''Uh, I don't think so.''_

_''Too bad. They're evil.''_

_''You only think they're evil because their songs get stuck in your head.''_

_''Yes. I do. That's a valid reason.'' She eyes him closely, taking a step towards him. ''Now start talking, Winchester. What's going on? What happened?''_

_He starts talking. ''Sam died.'' It comes out in a voice that sounds emotionless and dead and even he has to wince at the despondent tone of his voice. He said it like it was something that happened every day. Like it was no big deal._

_She freezes, eyes filling with horror, her hand reaching out to grip the counter top. ''Oh...god...Dean, I'm so - ''_

_''I brought him back.''_

_''You...'' She steps backwards, away from him, looking at him like he's a stranger. It hurts more than he'll ever admit to have her look at him like he's crazy. ''You what?'' When he whispers her name and moves forwards, she moves backwards. ''How did you...What did you do, Dean?''_

_''I made a deal.''_

_''A deal with who?'' She explodes, stomping forwards to grasp his jacket. ''A deal with what?''_

_''It's not important,'' he says softly. ''I just...I wanted you to know what I did. I wanted you to know that I...'' He trails off, clearing his throat. ''I don't have much time left. I have a year. A year and then they'll come and get me.'' He just doesn't tell her where he'll go._

_''No.'' Her eyes darken and she pushes at his chest, hands clenching into fists. ''No,'' she repeats, voice stronger and louder and shaking with everything she isn't saying._

_''Ruby, I had to do it.''_

_''S-Stop it.''_

_''Sam was dead! I couldn't just...'' He closes his eyes, running a hand over his tired face. His eyes fly open when he sees the image of Sam's corpse, pale and lifeless. ''I couldn't just leave him like that. It was my job to protect him. It was my job to protect him and I screwed up, okay? I screwed up and I had to fix it.''_

_She shakes her head adamantly, raking her hands through her hair. Her eyes glimmer in the sunlight streaming in the windows, basking the kitchen in a light that feels too bright for this particular moment. ''Stop,'' she begs. ''I don't...I don't...''_

_''You would have done the same thing, Ruby. If it had been Wyatt - ''_

_The slap comes within a second, too quickly for him to catch her wrist. His head snaps to the side and the sting comes quickly. He touches the spot she slapped him lightly, positive that there will be a handprint there when he looks in a mirror. Ruby may be a tiny little woman but she sure packs a nasty punch. She looks mildly horrified by her actions, but she covers it up with a glare, turning away from him to yank cupboard doors open so roughly he thinks she could be dangerously close to pulling the doors right off. ''I had to do this,'' he whispers. ''For Sam.''_

_''For Sam.'' She laughs bitterly and whirls around to face him, halting her motions briefly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears of anger and fear. ''How do you think Sam's going to feel when you literally die for him, Dean? How is he supposed to live with that?''_

_''He'll live,'' Dean says firmly, watching as she goes back to tearing through her kitchen like a mad woman. ''He'll live and that is all that matters to me. If he's alive that means I've done my job. I can rest now. I can - Okay, what are you doing?''_

_''I said I would bring Wyatt cookies,'' she mutters, furiously swiping at her eyes. She turns away from the cupboard and opens the one below, searching through boxes of breakfast cereal for something that isn't there. Whether its cookies or the right words to say to him, Dean doesn't really know. He just knows she seems to be adamant that she will not look at him._

_''Ruby,'' he starts slowly. ''I don't work without Sam. I had to do this. I had to bring him back. I wouldn't have...I wouldn't have lasted without him.''_

_She snorts. ''Apparently you're not going to last with him either.''_

_''Will you please calm down?''_

_''Calm down?'' She repeats and when she turns to look at him he gets this terrible feeling that he may have awoken the beast 'cause holy crap, does she ever look mad. ''You want me to calm down? You come to my house and tell me that essentially you've killed yourself and in a year you're going to die and leave us here all alone and you want me to calm down? What part of that is logical, Dean? Damn it, Dean, you know. You know what I've lost. I've lost my mom, my dad and now you're telling me I'm going to lose you too? And-And did you even think of me when you made this deal? Did you think about how it would affect me? How it would affect Wyatt? You're the closest thing he has to a dad. How is this fair to us?''_

_''Trust me; you'll be better off without me.''_

_''Don't tell me what I'll be!'' She slams the cupboard door shut, the tears shining in her eyes finally spilling from her eyes. ''I can't even give my son cookies!''_

_''Ruby, stop.'' He grabs her wrists before she can dance out of his grasp, tugging her towards him. ''Stop. Look at me.'' Her rage slips off her face for a second, replaced by sad and grief filled blue eyes that stare at him like she's begging him to tell her it's all a lie. A joke he's playing on her. He lets go of one of her wrists, brushing hair out of her face. ''You'll be fine without me. You both will.''_

_''We need you,'' she protests._

_''You don't.''_

_She crumples like a doll, anger cracking and leaving behind a mess of gulping sobs. ''Dean...'' She meets his eyes and he knows what she's going to say before she says it, just from the heartbroken look in her eyes. ''I lo - ''_

_''Don't.'' He drops her wrist and his hand falls away from her face, taking a step away from her. ''Don't say it. Please don't say it.''_

_''But I do.''_

_''You shouldn't.'' He breathes in deeply, looking away from her. ''I'm no good for you. I'm not nearly enough. I'm not a dad. I can't be what you need, no matter how much...'' He stops, leaving the 'no matter how much we both want it' left unsaid. ''This will be better for all of us,'' he says, like he's trying to convince himself too. ''I don't want you to spend your life waiting. You can move on. Find some guy who worships you.''_

_''What if I don't want that guy?'' She asks bravely, chin held high._

_''Well, I'll be dead,'' he says flippantly. ''So it won't really matter, now will it?''_

_She wraps an arm around her middle, staring out the window at the blue sky. She wipes away the tears that have run down her cheeks, causing tears to leave stains on her pale skin. ''There's no way to change this, is there? To stop it?''_

_''No.''_

_''So I'm just supposed to accept that you're going to die?''_

_''Pretty much.''_

_She nods like she understands, although he's certain she doesn't. ''And...what happens now?''_

_He turns to send a look towards the door, where Wyatt sits behind it blissfully unaware of everything that will happen in this year. ''I don't know,'' he admits. ''I don't know what's going to happen this year. But I do know,'' he shifts his eyes back to her. ''That I can stay the night.''_

_She looks almost hopeful for a moment, hiding it by focusing her eyes on the ground. ''You can?''_

_''Only if you want me to.''_

_''You know I do.''_

_He doesn't realize they're both moving forwards until she's only inches away from him and his fingers are gripping at the hem of her shirt to keep her from slipping away from him again. ''One night?'' He murmurs. ''Is that all right with you?''_

_''Yes,'' she breathes. ''That's all right with me.''_

_He kisses her with the knowledge that he'll be dead soon and she'll move on and forget about him and...he's not really sure if he's happy or sad about that. But right now he's got her and he's kissing her and everything feels sort of okay._

_Even if it's not._

* * *

_''You look tired.''_

_''You exhaust me.''_

_''Dirty.''_

_''Shut up.''_

_''Go to sleep, Ruby.''_

_''I don't want to go to sleep.''_

_''Why not?''_

_''I'm afraid you'll be gone when I wake up. Tell me you'll be here.''_

_''I'll be here when you wake up.''_

_''Do you promise?''_

_''Yes, I promise.''_

* * *

_He leaves early the next morning while Wyatt's still asleep because they've learned over time that when he leaves, Wyatt usually throws a tantrum. She kisses him goodbye again, gives him coffee for the road, tells him to say hi to Sam for her and he leaves missing her more than he did before._

* * *

The year passed by unbearably quickly.

It was made worse by the fact that Sam started palling around with demons in a misguided attempt to save him and Dean was strong but even he couldn't kill every single demon in the world. There would always be demons and he was just worried what Sam would do with them once he was gone. It was made better, however, by the monthly (hell, sometimes twice a month) visits Ruby insisted on. Even Sam seemed to agree that maybe seeing her more often wasn't a horrible thing.

It became routine. He went, he stayed the night, he snuck out the next morning with a goodbye kiss from her.

And just when he was starting to get used to it, starting to get the hang of this routine...

...He died.

He died horribly, chewed up and spit out by hell hounds. He died, leaving behind a devastated and terribly broken brother and what could be considered a grieving widow. He died and left behind a necklace for his brother, a ring for her, pleas for Sam and Ruby to look after each other and specific instructions for Sam to give Wyatt Daniels the Impala when he turned sixteen.

He died and that was the end of that.

Except it wasn't.

* * *

_He awakens six feet under in a pine box and ends up crawling out of his grave, the only thing running through his mind the fact that he feels very much like Buffy the fucking Vampire Slayer right about now._

_Naturally, he goes to Bobby and then they find Sam, who seems to have turned into him complete with one night stands and the inability to remember the girl's name. And nobody seems to believe it's him at first which he thinks is a little rude, but not entirely unfounded. And then he thinks of her and he can't stop. He's alive, he's back in the real world now and there are all of these scenarios playing through his mind about how he's going to tell her he's alive. They all somehow involve pressing his lips to hers. Actually, if he's being honest, they all sort of involve him pressing her into things and doing things to her that would make David Duchovny blush. He snaps out of it when Sam smacks him upside the head and tells him to ''stop having impure thoughts about Ruby.''_

_Snapped back to reality, Dean tries to make himself stop thinking about her and makes a split second decision to just let it be. He won't tell her he's back. If she knows he's back, she won't ever move on. This is the way it should end._

_It's better this way._

* * *

_He lasts a week._

_Then Sam tricks him and before he knows it he's standing outside of her house with Sam fidgeting impatiently beside him and even though he's not there, Dean feels like his new angel friend is watching him from somewhere. It's quite aggravating. It's like they're both waiting for him to pull a boom box out of the car and stand outside her window pulling a Say Anything. Which he has never done. Not even that one time in high school._

_''Dean,'' Sam says at last. ''Are you just gonna stand here all night? Or are you actually going to ring the doorbell at any point in time 'cause, you know, voyeurism is illegal.''_

_''Oh, geez.'' Rolling his eyes, Dean reaches forwards before he can talk himself out of it and rings the doorbell. Then his heart starts to pound and his mouth goes dry and he forgets the speech he had at the ready._

_The door swings open and he forgets to breathe. Beautiful as always, albeit slightly tired looking, she peers out at them and when her eyes land on him, a startled gasp escapes her lip and terror coats her features. She slams the door shut before he can remember how to speak again._

_''Huh,'' Sam speaks up, tilting his head to the side. ''That didn't go like I thought it would.'' He turns to Dean, lips turned downwards into a curious frown. ''You didn't say anything.''_

_Dean shakes his head._

_''Maybe we should have called first. ...Dean?'' Sam waves a hand in front of his brother's face. ''Dude, you okay in there?'' No answer. ''I'll do the talking.'' He moves over to peer in the front window, careful not to tramp the flowers in the garden. ''Oh, man, she's goin' for the phone.''_

_''What do you think she's going to do, Sam? Call the cops?' It takes Dean a moment to realize he's spoken, eyes widening slightly at the sound of his voice. ''Was I loud? Am I being loud? I feel like I'm being loud.''_

_''You're freaking out. Put your head between your knees.''_

_''That's ridiculous,'' Dean snaps, moving to join his brother at the window. ''I'm not having a panic attack.'' He glances down at the flowers by his feet in distaste and looks in the window anxiously. He sees her standing there with her back to them, phone held tightly to her ear and he can just tell she's in there shaking like a leaf and flipping out. He can't really blame her. He was brought back from the dead by a freaking ANGEL. That's some freaky stuff. ''She probably just called Bobby,'' he says rationally._

_''Let's hope so,'' Sam grumbles. ''Because if she really did call the cops - ''_

_''Why would she call the cops on a dead man? What part of that makes sense?''_

_''She's upset and not thinking clearly.''_

_''She's not an idiot, Sam.''_

_''I never said she was an idiot, Dean. I just said - ''_

_''Hey!''_

_Both brothers nearly jump out of their skin, whirling around to face the slightly balding and spitting mad man standing across the street who is currently brandishing a garden rake at them like it's a deadly weapon. And he's wearing a robe. ''What are you two doing?''_

_''Oh, uh...'' Dean blinks, scratches the back of his neck and turns to his brother. ''Sam?''_

_''We were just...um...''_

_''I'm callin' the cops!'' The man shouts, shaking the rake at them. ''You...You...perverts! This neighborhood doesn't need any peeping toms, this is a nice, wholesome - ''_

_''Wait!'' All eyes go to Ruby, sprinting towards them still grasping the phone tightly. ''It's okay, Mr Lyons,'' she calls over to the man, smiling brightly. ''I know them. Go back to sleep.''_

_''I can't!'' He responds with a shake of his head. ''Trudy kicked me out of the house again. She said I have to sleep on the lawn. Again.''_

_''Well, you should probably stop sleeping with your secretary then,'' Ruby says wisely. ''You'll probably get kicked out a lot less.''_

_He brightens considerably, lowering the rake. ''You think so?''_

_''Think about it, do faithful husbands ever have to sleep on the lawn?''_

_''...No.'' A wide smile breaks out on his face. ''Thanks, Ruby.'' _

_While he turns around to wander aimlessly back to a sleeping bag in the corner of the lawn, sheltered by a tree, Ruby whips around to face the boys, eyes narrowed. For a moment, Dean thinks she's going to yell at them, him in particular, but then she deflates, putting a hand to her forehead and shaking her head in exhaustion. ''Come inside,'' she orders softly and she may be talking to both of them, but she only has eyes for Dean. ''I just talked to Bobby and I...I think we have some things to talk about.''_

_Yeah, that's a massive understatement._

* * *

_She believes him when he tells her that angels brought him back to her. He didn't think she would. But she does. However, he's not quite sure she believes him when he tells her he doesn't remember a thing about being in Hell. He can only wish that it was the truth. It's not though, he remembers everything. All forty years of it. He'll just have to learn to live with it. Like he's learned to live with everything else that causes him pain._

_He sneaks away from them when Ruby turns her attention to Sam, slipping up the stairs and down the hallway quietly. He's drawn to Wyatt's room like a moth to a flame, the need to see the little boy overwhelming him. He enters the room silently, melting into the shadows like he's done all his life. In the bed, Wyatt remains fast asleep, the glow of his night light illuminating his face. Dean smiles a smile filled with relief and an aching sadness that takes over everything else._

_He's known it since he first met her. It's been burned into the back of his mind for years. But now, knowing that he does in fact have to save the whole fucking world, it really hits him with full force. Like a freight train._

_He will never have this._

_He'll want it forever, he'll long and yearn and crave and hunger, but he'll never get it. Not with Ruby, not with Wyatt. It's just the way the cookie crumbles._

_It's a sad revelation; it eats him up inside like a disease. But it's the truth and the truth is always painful._

_''He misses you.''_

_Dean licks his lips and crosses his arms over his chest, not bothering to turn his eyes to her._

_''He never believed me,'' she says, moving closer to him. ''When I told him you weren't coming back...He never believed me. He said you always come back. I...'' She touches his arm and he brings his gaze to her, glancing down at the contact before lifting his eyes to hers. ''I'm really glad he was right.''_

_He puts his hand over hers because he can't stop himself and he watches her thread her fingers through his, a smile lighting up her glistening eyes. ''Did you move on?'' He asks softly. ''While I was gone?''_

_''I tried.''_

_''But you didn't.''_

_''I couldn't.''_

_He sighs. ''I wish you would.''_

_She draws her hand away sharply, her eyes darken and she purses her lips, looking frustrated and sad all at the same time. Sparing a glance at her sleeping son, she pulls Dean out into the hallway and shuts Wyatt's door quietly. ''I don't care,'' she says strongly. ''Who I want is my choice and I choose to want you.'' She meets his eyes and refuses to let him look away from her. ''Just like you want me. And I know you want me. You can try, but I won't let you tell me who to want or when to move on.''_

_''You'll die,'' he says. ''You'll die if you love me.''_

_''People die for less every day.''_

_''You have a son who needs you to be alive. Little boys need their mothers.''_

_''I'm not going to die,'' she snaps. ''But I'm not going to let you go either. So, just...shut the fuck up and deal with it.''_

_She turns and walks away before he can come up with an answer._

* * *

_They wind up making out in the kitchen with Wyatt sleeping upstairs and Sam waiting by the front door. Her back is pressed against the counter, one hand scraping down the back of his neck while the other grips the counter. He's got one arm slung around her waist, his other hand pressed flat against the cupboard above her head. He keeps telling himself he's only going to kiss her for one more minute but it's really hard to keep track of the time when her tongue is in his mouth and one more minute ends up being several more minutes._

_''I can't stay,'' he manages to mutter out breathlessly against her lips. Except he follows this declaration by lifting her onto the counter and contradicting his last statement by covering her lips with his._

_She pulls away, fingers now clutching at his jacket like she's trying to pull him closer. ''I know.''_

_But she kisses him again anyway and she does this thing with her tongue and he thinks he might die if he doesn't take her clothes off. That's when he remembers he can't. His eyes fly open and he stumbles away from her wiping at his lips. ''Ruby, I can't stay,'' he repeats, managing to make his voice sound firm even though he's tingling and his legs feel like jelly. ''And doing that was just plain cruel.''_

_She smirks at him, hopping off the counter. ''Gotta keep you on your toes, Winchester,'' she drawls, leaning up to peck his lips. ''You should go.'' She smoothes down his shirt for him, smirk still planted on her swollen lips. ''Sam's waiting.'' However, after he regains some composure, keeps himself from attacking her with his lips again and takes a step towards the door, she calls out to him. ''Dean!'' The smirk is gone from her lips, replaced by a soft smile when he turns around to face her. She slips something off her finger and grabs his hand, dropping something into his palm. ''This is yours.''_

* * *

_Sitting in the driver's seat of his car, he looks down at his silver ring in the palm of his hand and can't help but think it looks better on her. Eyes hardening, he tells himself to focus on the war, slides the ring onto his finger and turns the ignition._

_They drive in silence for at least fifteen minutes before Sam speaks up. ''Can I ask you a question? And don't say 'you just did, Sam.' I hate that.''_

_''Fine. What?''_

_Sam grins. ''Did you happen to see what finger she was wearing that ring on?''_

_Dean's fingers curl tighter around the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. ''No,'' he lies through gritted teeth. ''I didn't.''_

* * *

His life got a little less simple that year. Got a little more depressing and a lot harder. He called her less, saw her less, watched his brother drift away like sand slipping through his fingers and he tried, but he couldn't push away the memories of Hell. The fire in Hell had been very real, but it was the memories that burned him. Hell was hot, flames licked at his skin all the time. He got so used to it that once he was back in the real world, he couldn't seem to be able to get warm at all. He couldn't get warm, he couldn't drink away the taste of ash and blood, he couldn't mute the screams that replayed over and over in his head like music and he couldn't close his eyes without being back there.

Sam was moving farther and farther away from him, his secrets driving a wedge between them. Doing irreversible damage that had Dean lying awake at night and wishing for things to go back to the way they were. There was also this horrible feeling that Sam had_ not _stopped socializing with demons, even though he told him he had. When things got bad, Dean tried to be all _fine, fuck you, Sam. I don't need you._ It didn't work, of course, because he _did_ need Sam and all he really ended up feeling was that everything inside of him was screaming _please come back, Sammy._

Dean tried very hard not to, but he took to the angel on his shoulder like a bird to the air. But there were things about Castiel that unnerved him. Like sometimes it was like Cas had been there from the start. Like he knew anything and everything. Or sometimes he could look at him and Dean could just feel that Cas knew everything that was going on inside of him. It scared him; how much this angel boy seemed to _know_ him better than he knew himself at times.

He didn't see much of Wyatt at all anymore, visiting in the dark of night or when the boy was in school. He loved Wyatt, he did, but he was trying so hard to distance himself from that boy because he was in no shape to play daddy to him at the moment. He was too screwed up to be a role model for him. An alcoholic hunter with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the weight of the world on his shoulders had no right to be a father. He was too fucked up to even pretend he was all right.

And Ruby...just wouldn't let him fucking drown. It didn't matter how much he wanted to, she always seemed to manage to bring him back to the surface. He'd be annoyed if she were anyone else. But she wasn't anyone else. She was Ruby and she...she loved him. Whether he was dangerous or not, she loved him and she waited for him. And she wouldn't take no for an answer when it came to whether or not he wanted to be loved. To be saved. He stopped spending the night, he didn't call or see her as much as he used to and she still waited for him like she was a military wife waiting for her soldier husband to come home to her.

It became the one thing he could count on. The one thing that remained the same. The sun set in the west, rose in the east and Ruby Daniels would always wait for Dean Winchester.

Like everything else in his life, that was soon ruined when his fears that his life would hurt her came true...

**end chapter three**

* * *

**AN: Jus FYI, the whole Sam ''making friends'' with demons was basically to replace the Ruby storyline in seasons three and four. I figure palling around with demons might've been something Sam would have done in a desperate attempt to save Dean from Hell. Besides, I'm trying to keep his storyline relatively unchanged. And oooh, cliffy. Yeah, I like those. As some people might have guessed from the frequent cliffhangers in Queen of Hearts.**


	4. Let me love then

_AN: Chapter four, people! I've got nothing much to say about it other than enjoy._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural, the characters you recognize or the poem ''The Hundredth Dying'' by Dylan Thomas. I do, however, own Wyatt. He's cute.

* * *

**well, bless my soul**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

* * *

Chapter Four:  
**''Let me love then''**

* * *

_let me love then and let my old corpse lie  
__among my other skeletons  
__staring into the cracked sky  
__my breath and blood into another  
_**-dylan thomas**

* * *

_It starts like the plot of a god-awful horror movie. With threatening text messages from an unknown caller and phone calls that produce nothing more than a whole new level of irritation and some ominous heavy breathing on the other line. At first, Dean doesn't take it seriously, muttering something about ''stupid punks'' under his breath._

_Sam, on the other hand, takes it very seriously. ''How can you just push this to the side, Dean? Someone is threatening you.''_

_''Over text messages,'' Dean fires back. ''It's probably just some stupid teenager.''_

_''I don't care if it's just some kid who's seen Black Christmas too many times, it's still a threat. We should still check it out.''_

_''Black Christmas, huh? The original or the remake?''_

_''Dean!''_

_''Oh, relax. It's nothing to worry about.''_

_''What if it is?''_

_Dean cranks the music in the Impala and loudly sings along to Metallica so he can't hear Sam complaining._

* * *

_...But then Sam tells on him and it's not so funny anymore._

_''You told on me?'' Dean explodes, sending his brother a withering glare. ''You little snitch!'' Oh yeah, he is so putting Nair in Sam's shampoo again._

_''Dean,'' Castiel speaks in that inexorably calm voice of his that Dean only finds extremely grating today. ''Your brother is just worried about you.''_

_''My brother is just begging for a beat down,'' Dean mumbles under his breath._

_''You're being threatened,'' Sam repeats, louder and slower like he's talking to a child. An incredibly dumb child. An incredibly dumb child who is hard of hearing. ''What part of that isn't getting through your thick skull?''_

_''You're the one with a thick skull!''_

_''Oh, that's real mature.''_

_''I would like to see the messages,'' Castiel breaks in before Dean can slug Sam._

_Castiel has such a calm, soft voice that Dean actually hands over his cell phone before he knows what he's doing. Of course, then he thinks that Cas has laid some kind of mind control whammy on him and makes a grab for the phone with a scowl on his face. ''Look, it's not that big of a deal. It's just some kid messing with me.''_

_''It could be a demon,'' Castiel deadpans._

_''What kind of demon makes threats over text messages? Don't they usually just resort to violence?''_

_''Not the clever ones. The clever ones have plans.''_

_''Plans for what? To fill up my voicemail?''_

_''Plans for mayhem and carnage.'' Castiel frowns and tilts his head to the side. ''What is voicemail?''_

_''Just give me the phone.'' He snatches the phone back just in time for it to ring and can't suppress the startled yelp that leaves his lips. ''Fuck off,'' he mutters, shoving Sam when he dares to smirk. The caller ID displays that old familiar 'Unknown Caller' and he sighs, rolling his eyes as he flips it open. ''Hello?''_

_Unlike the other times, this time someone decides to answer. ''Well, hello there, Dean. Been awhile.'' The voice is feminine, low and silky. It crosses his mind that this whole thing could be a case of a woman scorned. He's not sure whether to be flattered, annoyed or frightened._

_''Who is this?''_

_''An old friend. Just wanted to offer my congratulations.''_

_''Congratulations?'' He turns away from Castiel and Sam, their gazes becoming a little disconcerting. ''Why?''_

_''You're topside. Last time I saw you...well, let's just say the weather was...warmer.''_

_His breath catches in his throat and his grip on the phone tightens. Well, crap. Sam was fucking right. What's up with that? ''Well, darlin', wish I could say what we had was special but to be honest, I don't remember a thing about you.''_

_''You will.''_

_''You think so?''_

_''Oh, I know so. See, I'm gonna make you remember.''_

_''Uh-huh. You know, I'm sorry to break this to you but you don't exactly strike fear into my heart. Text messages? Come on, I thought demons were supposed to be scary.''_

_''Just gettin' your attention, baby.''_

_''You don't like me,'' he states, smirking even though she can't see him. ''Why don't you just kill me? Why play games?''_

_''Because,'' she says simply. ''I don't want you to die, Dean. I want you to suffer.''_

_''And threatening me over the phone is the way to make me suffer?''_

_''No. Killing her and making you live every day knowing you're the reason she's dead is the way to make you suffer. Duh.''_

_This horrible feeling invades his body, crawling underneath his skin. Something akin to terror and dread that makes his stomach churn unpleasantly. He silences, trying to swallow his heart, which has leapt into his throat at the sound of her threat. Suddenly, she's a lot scarier than she was before; she's something dark and twisted and evil that he must destroy._

_''You still there, Dean-o?''_

_It could be considered a terrible thing to hope for, but there have been a lot of ''hers'' in his life and he's just hoping she's talking about someone else. ''Where is she?''_

_''She's dead.''_

_''You're lying.''_

_''You sure about that?''_

_The sound of a click echoes in his ear, replaced by a deafening silence before he can answer and it's the loudest silence he's ever heard. He stands frozen for a moment, cell phone still held in his grasp, fingers holding on so tightly they're beginning to go numb. When he brings himself back to the real world, it spins in front of his eyes and he thinks he might pass out. He shakes it off, turning to face Castiel and Sam and the terror must still burn bright in his eyes because Sam moves forwards and Castiel almost has an expression. ''Dean?'' Sam's voice is tight with worry, one hand outstretched towards him like he's afraid he'll fall. ''What's going on?''_

_Terror gives way to rage and Dean's green eyes darken considerably. ''Get your crap,'' he growls, stalking towards the door and practically ripping it off its hinges. ''We gotta go.''_

* * *

_There are no visible signs of a struggle outside the house. It looks peaceful and quiet. Both the front and back doors are locked and everything. Dean almost lets himself believe she's fine and safe inside. They both are. But then he peers in the window once more and sees that streak of red on the white wall that makes his heart stop in his chest. No. __**No.**__ That bitch can have anything she wants, but she can't have Ruby and Wyatt. He needs them._

_Ignoring his first instinct to kick the door down, Dean picks up the ceramic duck from the porch and throws it against the nearest wall, officially freaking out his brother and making the younger man jump two feet in the air. ''Dean!''_

_''The door's locked,'' Dean says, voice tight._

_''I don't see why you had to take it out on the duck.''_

_''She keeps a spare key in the duck, wiseass,'' Dean snaps, plucking the key from the remnants of the ceramic duck on the ground._

_''Smashing it still seems a little bit harsh.''_

_''I'll hit you,'' Dean warns, jamming the key into the lock._

_''Dean, I'm sure she's fine,'' Sam says soothingly. ''Demons lie. You know they do. She's probably...'' But when they step inside and see the damage done, Sam trails off, horror sweeping over his features as he surveys the overturned furniture. ''Oh...'' He shares a look with Dean and grimaces, standing a lamp upright. ''...Fuck.''_

_Dean moves to stand by the streak of blood, staring at it with a clenched jaw and fear pooling in his stomach like acid. The bright red is a stark contrast to the white, practically jumping out at him. He touches the stain briefly and does his damndest to shut off his brain and remain cool, calm and professional. Reminding himself to breathe, he turns his gaze to the stairs and like a crime scene investigator he sees things most people wouldn't be able to see. He doesn't say a word to Sam as he glances down at the barely noticeable drop of blood on the carpet, his heartbeat erratic and much too fast in his chest. He doesn't really want to go upstairs. He doesn't want to know what he'll find, horrifying images of Ruby and Wyatt's torn and broken bodies racing through his mind. Looking calm save for the slightly labored breathing, he ascends the stairs anyway. If they are up there, bloody and stolen away from him by a thief in the night, then he'll take care of them one last time. If they're not...then he'll find them and he will bring them home._

_''Dean...'' Sam drops the cracked picture frame in his hand and races after him._

_The door to Ruby's room is open just enough to give him a view of a trashed room that looks even worse than the downstairs. Whatever happened here, she put up a hell of a fight. He smirks lightly; it feels hollow and lopsided. ''That's my girl.'' He pauses, closing his eyes and praying he won't find her body twisted and mangled like he fears. ''Hey,'' he shoots a look towards Sam. ''Do me a favor and check Wyatt's room.''_

_Sam opens his mouth, no doubt to protest, but then he meets Dean's pleading eyes and has to nod. ''Sure.''_

_Dean watches Sam go, hands curling into fists at his side. Clenching his teeth, he holds his breath and pushes open the door. It opens with a creak. He steps inside...and lets out a breath at the sight of the empty room. She's not in here. She's not lying dead on the floor, golden hair spilling around her. But there's blood on the floor and that's not a good sign either. Crouching down in front of the puddle of her blood, Dean suddenly gets this irrevocable feeling that he can't do this anymore. He can't keep putting her in danger just by knowing her. This is it. This is the final straw._

_It has to be over._

_He looks at the blood on his fingertips and vows that once he gets her and Wyatt back, he'll leave. For good this time._

_''There's nothing in Wyatt's...'' Sam stops short when he enters the room, looking around the destroyed room. ''...Room.'' Frowning, he bends down to pick up a broken shard of glass from the broken mirror. Blood drips onto his hand and he pales._

_''They tortured her,'' Dean says, hollowly, taking the piece of glass from Sam's hand. ''They, it, her, whatever. They tortured her. She fought them, but they were stronger. They got her in here and they tortured her with broken glass and God knows what else and...'' He plucks something else off the ground, fingers clutching at the soft fur of the teddy bear in his hands. ''They made Wyatt watch.'' He fingers the sharp edge of the mirror and almost goes so far as to slice his own skin just to feel something other than the mind numbing guilt. ''And then they took them.'' There's that aching behind his eyes again, that old enemy that he can't fight. He lets out a shaky breath and places the teddy bear on the bed, fingers still wrapped around the piece of glass, eyes still on the blood._

_''Dean...''_

_His brother's voice is soft and gentle and it makes Dean break like the shattered mirror in the corner. He hurls the glass at the wall, watching it splinter apart, mirroring in the way he feels inside and he whirls around to face Sam with tortured eyes and a low, gravelly voice filled with grief and self-loathing. ''I did this.''_

_Sam shakes his head. ''No.''_

_''Yes. Yes, I did. I did this to her. I did this to them both. This is why...This is why I don't do this, Sam. This is why I don't ever stay. I can't stay. I can't get involved with people. I can't fall in love or have a family because this is what happens! This is what happens when you're a Winchester!'' He runs his hands through his hair and in a burst of rage, stalks forwards and kicks at the dresser. ''And I knew that! I knew that when I met her and I still kept coming back here. If I had just stayed away from her she wouldn't be...They would be safe.''_

_''Dean!''_

_''They would be safe!''_

_''But you love her,'' Sam protests weakly. ''Don't you think you deserve - ''_

_''No,'' Dean answers automatically. ''I don't think I deserve her. I don't deserve anything. I should've known that.''_

_''This is not - ''_

_''Don't tell me it's not my fault, Sam,'' Dean says tiredly. ''Because we both know it is.''_

_''She chose you,'' Sam says quietly. ''She knew the risks and she still chose you.''_

_''So, you're gonna blame her for this?''_

_''No. I blame the demon that did this. I'm just saying - ''_

_But Dean just barks out a, ''Shut up, Sam.''_

_''Look, Dean - ''_

_''No, I'm serious, shut up,'' Dean hisses, crossing the distance between them and yanking at Sam's jacket, body suddenly on red alert. ''Listen for a second.'' The silence that follows is broken by a small, barely audible shuffling noise coming from the bathroom. Despite the voices in his head screaming for him to run in there as fast as he can, he reacts like a hunter, reaching for his gun at the same time Sam reaches for his. It's an instinct for them, a second nature. They don't walk, they creep. Slowly and carefully, fingers on the triggers, they move into the bathroom. As hunters, their eyes lock and hold and no words are needed. Sam nods briefly, Dean reaches out slowly and yanks back the shower curtain..._

_...And then they're not hunters anymore._

_The petrified little boy in the bathtub lets out a blood curdling scream and closes his eyes before he can see their faces, hands clapping over his ears, back pressing up against the wall, knees drawn up to his chest as tears run down his cheeks in rivers._

_''Wyatt!'' In an instant, Dean's tucked away his gun, pushed Sam's away, and gone down on his knees, relief flooding through him like something deep and dark and incredibly powerful. ''Wyatt, it's me!'' He speaks over the boy's terrified screeches, lunging forwards to grasp his small hands when Wyatt reaches out blindly to claw at him. At the contact, Wyatt opens his eyes and recognition bleeds into his tired and scared blue eyes. ''It's me, kiddo.''_

_Wyatt sniffles, squinting like he isn't sure Dean is really there. ''Daddy?'' He lets out a strangled sob and throws himself forwards into the man's arms, crying out of exhaustion, fear and the need for his mother who doesn't seem to be coming this time._

_Dean catches Wyatt, falling backwards onto the floor, cradling the boy against his chest. He clings to Wyatt like he's all he has, closes his eyes and thanks whoever's listening and he doesn't bother to correct the child. His vision is blurry when he opens his eyes, but he hardly cares because Wyatt's safe and right now that's all that matters. Clutching the boy tightly, he allows himself to breathe. Eventually, he gently pulls Wyatt away from him, looking him up and down with glassy eyes. ''Are you hurt?''_

_Wyatt shakes his head, still trembling. ''S-She made me hide.''_

_''Who? Your mom?''_

_Wyatt nods, wiping at his eyes. ''Th-There was this...this...lady a-an' she had black eyes an' she was really mean. She hurt Momma with...with glass. A-An' she got real angry when...when Momma wo-wouldn't scream. Then Momma got away an' they went downstairs an'...'' His eyes fill with tears. ''An' I heard her scream. Momma...she screamed loud. When she came back she was hurt an' all bloody, but she told me to hide an' she would come an' get me later. B-But she didn't. Wh-What happened to her? Did...Did the mean lady take her?''_

_How is he supposed to answer that? How is he supposed to tell a child that he got his mother taken away from him? Simple. He doesn't. ''Wyatt,'' Dean brings a hand to Wyatt's cheek, brushing away the fallen tears. ''We will get your mom back,'' he promises._

_He just hopes it's a promise he can keep._

* * *

_Ruby needs to be found. There's no doubting that. But right now Wyatt needs to be the top priority. The boy is tired and scared and he needs to be somewhere safe while Dean finds his mother. Plus, when she comes back, Ruby will kill him if she finds out Dean didn't take proper care of her son while she was gone. And she is coming back. There are no other options for that. One way or another, she will come back to her son. And if Dean has to move Heaven and Hell to find her then so be it._

_They take Wyatt to Bobby's because if anyone can keep him safe, it's Bobby. Dean refuses to let go of him the whole way there, allowing Sam to drive his car under the special circumstances. That doesn't keep him from barking out orders on how to drive, of course, but that's an entirely different story. The sun is high in the sky by the time they get to Bobby's, Wyatt fast asleep and wrapped in Dean's jacket. He looks vulnerable and scared even in his sleep and it's only when Dean places him in a soft bed in Bobby's spare room that he finally sees the similarities between Wyatt and another little boy who saw something horrible happen to his mother._

_It's been years, decades, since the fire that took it all away, but Dean can still remember it like it was yesterday. The heat of the flames that licked at his heels, his father's urgent voice telling him to take his brother outside, the weight in his arms from Sammy's tiny body, and the cries for his mother that went unanswered. He remembers that night, after the fire took his mother away, he sat in the back of the Impala wrapped in a coat too big for him, wondering where his mommy was._

_And oh, god, the similarities almost bring him to his knees._

_''Dean?'' Sam approaches him with extreme caution, voice quiet and soft, eyes following Dean's gaze to the sleeping child._

_''You know,'' Dean crosses his arms across his chest as if he's trying to protect himself, bitter smirk flashing across dry lips. ''He's only a little bit older than I was when Mom...''_

_''...Yeah.''_

_''It's almost the same,'' Dean whispers. ''Something evil took our mothers away and we were left behind. But...there's one big difference between me and Wyatt.'' He sets his jaw, his eyes harden and he looks at his brother with determined green eyes that nearly pierce right through him. ''His mom's comin' home. He's not gonna end up like me. I won't let him.''_

_Abruptly, he turns and walks away, leaving Sam to stare at the little boy who is, in fact, eerily reminiscent of a Winchester tonight._

* * *

_Remember that thing about moving Heaven and Hell to find her?_

_Well, he starts with Heaven._

_He's about halfway through a speech that is quickly turning into a threat and Castiel is still looking at him with that goddamned stoic-eyes-tilted-head look and then his phone rings and displays 'Unknown Caller' for the world to see. The anger boils in his stomach like something dreadful and dark and he answers the ringing phone with a violent, ripping snarl of, ''Where is she?''_

_''Oh, hi, Dean. How's it hangin'?''_

_''Where. Is. She?'' He repeats slowly, hands curling into fists at his side like he's imagining curling them around her neck. ''What did you do to her?''_

_''I killed her.''_

_''No, you didn't.'' His voice sounds perfectly calm and at ease, but the world is spinning unpleasantly in front of his eyes and it feels like the floor is on a tilt all of a sudden._

_''Don't be so sure about that,'' she says carelessly. ''Would you like me to tell you how I did it? Would you like me to tell you how I killed her and watched the light go out in her eyes? I cut her open. I cut her open and I watched her bleed and I listened to her screams like they were music. She begged to see you and her son one last time. And she died thinking you were going to come and save her. But you didn't. Did you?''_

_There's bile rising in his throat and tears pricking at his eyes, but he shakes it all off like he does everything that hurts him and lets the careless and easy rage take over. ''I will kill you. I hope you know that.''_

_''Eh, whatever. Want me to tell you where I buried her? I'd love to see your face when you see your precious Ruby's mangled corpse. It'd be a laugh riot.''_

_''What did I ever do to you?'' He loses control of the professionalism, the screams of frustration working their way up his throat. ''Huh? Why are you doing this to me? What'd I do? Kill a friend of yours? A lover maybe?''_

_''That's for me to know and you to find out.''_

_''I'm done with this game, bitch.''_

_''Can I give you some advice, Dean-o? Don't call me names, 'kay? Or I might just decide to go after your brother next. Or better yet, that kid of yours. He is yours, right? You piss me off, Ruby won't be the only one dead.''_

_And that's it. He's losing control, he's losing sanity and he lost patience a long time ago. ''She's not dead!'' She's not. If she was...he would know. Wyatt would know. She's not dead, she can't be. ''I'm going to find you,'' he warns. ''I'm going to find you and kill you! Do you hear me? I'll kill you!''_

_''Dean!'' Sam's voice breaks through the fog like it has done so many other times, only this time Dean doesn't stop screaming, hollering threats into the phone even though he knows it won't do any good. ''Dean, stop!" Sam's strong hands wrangle the phone out of his grasp, fingers clutching at his shoulders. ''Stop it!''_

_''Get off me, Sam!'' While Dean pushes, Sam pulls. When Dean finally manages to shove Sam off of him, his eyes are dark and dangerous and his chest is heaving, screams dying in his throat._

_''The only thing you're going to do by yelling at this bitch is piss her off,'' Sam says, ever the voice of reason. ''And you piss her off, you get Ruby killed. Do you want that?''_

_''Just fuck off, Sam! I'm handling this!''_

_''No, you're not! You're spinning out of control, dumbass.''_

_''I don't need this,'' Dean growls out. He turns to Castiel, ready to resort to some full on begging, only to find that the spot the angel was standing is empty and now Dean has no idea what to do next._

* * *

_But then a day passes and this happens:_

_In what is quickly becoming normal, Dean and Sam get into a heated argument. This time it's about Wyatt. Sam's going on and on about how Dean needs to at least talk to the boy and Dean's just about had it up to here. Sam doesn't understand. Sam doesn't know how hard it is for him to look at that boy and not see Ruby. Guilt weighs him down like an anchor when he looks at Wyatt. Sam doesn't understand that._

_And then Castiel is there in all his trench coat glory. ''Dean, Sam, I have - ''_

_''Not now, Cas,'' Dean snaps and then goes back to his all important glaring match with his brother. ''Sam, Wyatt is fine.''_

_''Wyatt is not fine! He's five years old, Dean! He's five years old and he's scared and he needs you.''_

_''Shut up, Sam.''_

_''You shut up, Dean. Wyatt needs someone to talk to.''_

_''Then he can talk to you. You're the one with the puppy dog eyes.''_

_''You're good with kids, Dean.''_

_''I am not!''_

_''Dean, you should know that - ''_

_''Cas, I said not right now!''_

_''Wyatt doesn't know me like he knows you,'' Sam says logically. ''He doesn't know Bobby and he doesn't know me. He knows you. Just...talk to him. Tell him everything's going to be all right.''_

_''But I don't know everything's going to be all right.''_

_''Tell him anyway.''_

_''I know where Ruby is being held.''_

_The Winchester brothers shut up, look at each other and then swivel around to look at Castiel with wide eyes. ''Well, why didn't you just say that?'' Dean scowls._

_''Yes, you're right,'' Castiel nods. ''That would have been a fine idea.''_

_And then it's time to go kill a bitch and get his girl back._

_Except since when has it ever been that easy?_

* * *

_Just like always, the Winchester brothers burst in with guns blazing into a dark and dank vacant building. Water drips somewhere in the distance, sounding unusually loud. It bounces and echoes off the walls in surround sound. The shadows they walk through feel like home, intimidating and somber. Other than the sound of water dripping, it's completely silent. Quiet and calm. And Dean just can't shake the feeling that something is very wrong with this picture. Where's the demon? Where's the fight? The complication? The shocking twist of the story? He moves on edge and with alarm bells ringing in his head because this is so wrong._

_Then he turns the corner, into a small room and there's a body he recognizes sprawled out on the floor and he tunes out the alarms. ''Ruby...'' He rushes forwards, dropping to his knees next to her lifeless body, the fear that she won't open her eyes stronger than ever. But she's breathing when he turns her around, chest rising up and down and her pulse is strong. That butterfly touch is the best thing he's ever felt. ''Ruby,'' he whispers, brushing stringy hair out of her bruised and cut face. ''C'mon, sweetheart, open your eyes.''_

_She groans, weakly grabbing at his jacket._

_He's this close to crying out in relief when it all goes to hell._

_''Hey, Dean.'' He whirls around just in time to see a woman with black eyes send his brother crashing into the wall. Sam slumps to the ground with his eyes closed and Dean's left to stare at the unfamiliar woman and try to figure out where he knows her from. She grins at him, taking a step closer. ''Whatcha doing?'' She closes the distance between them, wraps her bony fingers around the collar of his jacket and tosses him out of the room like he's as light as a feather._

_He groans, pain shooting up and down his body unpleasantly. ''Son of a bitch,'' he manages through gritted teeth, pushing himself to his feet. ''You again.''_

_''Yep. Me again. Miss me?''_

_He smirks. ''Not even a little bit.''_

_She grins without effort and in two quick strides she's crossed the room and slammed him against the wall, her hand closing around his neck. ''You don't know who I am, do you? Well, let me give you a little hint.'' With an ugly scowl, she produces a lethal looking knife and he attempts to look around her back into the room where Sam and Ruby are. Her hand moves from his neck to his cheek, sharp fingernails digging into his cheek painfully. ''Don't worry, sweetheart,'' she drawls, leaning in closer. ''This won't hurt a bit.''_

_The memories come quickly, white hot and undeniably painful in his head. Hell fire and tools of torture and that demonic grin he wore, face contorting in a sick sense of glee when he ran a sharp knife down her bare flesh, her guts spilling out onto the ground, meat hooks in her hands. His voice, low and beastly in her ear when he whispered, ''Don't worry, sweetheart. This won't hurt a bit.'' He may be back in the land of living, searching for redemption, trying to make amends and save the world. But..._

_...Hell still won't let him go._

_''I tortured you,'' he whispers and she doesn't need to say a thing; he can see the truth hiding in her black eyes and twisted glare. ''I'm sorry,'' he says earnestly._

_''Sorry doesn't cut it,'' she growls. ''I want you to suffer. I want you to suffer like I did.''_

_She raises the knife and he thinks he should fight back but he doesn't because there's this dark little thought in the back of his head that's telling him he deserves this._

_Seconds before the knife comes down and pierces his skin, the demon is blown out of her body by something he can't see, a scream erupting from her throat as black smoke billows out of her mouth. He falls to the ground, covering his eyes as the smoke frees itself from her body. The now harmless girl slumps to the ground like a broken doll, raven hair fanning around her face, knife clattering noisily to the cold ground. He takes in a few gulps of much needed air, leaning forwards to touch her pale body. Blood trickles out of the corner of her mouth and he grimaces when he realizes just how young she looks. God, how old is she? Seventeen? Eighteen maybe? He brings his fingers to her neck, hoping maybe this poor girl will get a second chance. Her chest is still and there's no throbbing of her pulse to reassure him._

_Choking back a sigh, he pushes off the wall and crawls forwards, dragging himself to slightly unsteady feet. ''Sam!''_

_Sam's hauling himself to his feet, one hand clutching at his head while he mutters under his breath something about how he's always ''gettin' thrown into things. It's not fair.''_

_On the dirty ground, Ruby's awake and pulling herself to her feet, using the wall as leverage. Seeing her awake and breathing and okay, Dean lets himself breathe, stumbling towards her and enveloping her in a hug that is just a little bit too tight. ''Dean,'' she rasps out. ''Dean...ow.''_

_''Sorry.'' He pulls away, smiling in relief as he touches her cheek gently. ''Are you okay?''_

_''Fine.'' She waves the pain off with a scoff, grinning at him. ''Can we get out of here please?''_

_He frowns deeply, studying her critically and waiting for something that doesn't seem to be coming. She doesn't seem to notice his staring, her eyes scanning the room quickly._

_''Is she gone?'' Sam asks, moving to stand beside Ruby._

_Dean doesn't answer._

* * *

_He's staring at her in the rearview mirror, eyes flickering back and forth between the road and her. He's got this feeling in the pit of his stomach, apprehension and alarm. Something is just creeping him out about this whole thing. He tries to ignore it. They got her back and she's safe and everything's back to normal. Right? But after all of these years of being a hunter (a damned good one at that), he thinks he knows when to trust his gut. _

_When he glances in the rearview mirror for the twenty third time, she's staring back at him, steady and even. Their eyes lock together and then she beams, lips turning upwards into a blinding smile. ''Why are you looking at me like that?''_

_It's the smile that cracks him._

_Dean jerks the steering wheel and the tires screech as he roughly pulls off to the side of the road, yanking the keys out of the ignition._

_''Dean,'' Sam frowns. ''What are you - ''_

_Purposefully ignoring his brother's voice, Dean climbs out of the car and wrenches open the back door, roughly yanking her out by her arm. ''Dean!'' She squeals out his name like a frightened mouse, fear skittering across her eyes when he unapologetically slams her into the side of the car. ''W-What are you doing?''_

_''Whoa!'' Sam makes an attempt to pry Dean's fingers away from her arm. ''Dean, what's going on?''_

_''Wyatt.''_

_She arches an eyebrow. ''What?''_

_''She would have asked about Wyatt,'' he elaborates, green eyes looking positively murderous in the moonlight._

_''Dean - ''_

_''The first thing that would have crossed Ruby's mind would have been her son.''_

_''You're crazy,'' she breathes out, backing away from him in terror._

_''You're not Ruby.''_

_''What are you talking about? Of course I'm Ruby! Sam, tell him!'' Her lips quiver, her eyes fill with tears and betrayal shines bright in her eyes. But Sam stands beside his brother, strong and unflappable. ''Dean,'' she whispers, sounding so lost and broken he almost stops this. He almost believes. ''Don't you know who I am?'' Her voice cracks, tears slip from her eyes. ''You're supposed to know me better than anyone else.'' She steps forwards, touching his cheek lightly. ''You're supposed to love me.''_

_Dean falters under her touch and tear filled gaze and that's when Sam steps in. He pushes in between them, snatching her wrist and staring down at her with his lips drawn into a thin line and that protective streak all Winchesters have. ''Ruby would not do this,'' he says lowly. ''Ruby wouldn't be scared. She'd be pissed.'' He lets go of her wrist, shoving her backwards hard enough that she stumbles._

_She shakes her head, hurt shining bright in those big blue eyes of her. She turns her crushed gaze to the ground, blond hair falling in her eyes. ''I guess I was wrong about you, Dean,'' she whispers. She lifts her head and he catches sight of her eyes, as black as the night sky. A smirk plays across her lips; she folds her arms across her chest and stares at them with endless onyx eyes. ''You're not as dumb as you look.''_

_Dean has to swallow hard, but remains cool and unaffected on the outside. ''So, that trick you played back there...?''_

_''Pretty clever, huh?''_

_''Not exactly what I was going to say.''_

_''It's a shame I can't act,'' she says with a shrug. ''I was at least hoping to fool you long enough to, you know, get into your pants. You're an ass, but you are handsome.'' When Sam makes a move for her, she catches his fist with reflexes Ruby does not have, grinning widely. ''Now, Sammy,'' she coos. ''You wouldn't want to hurt this packaging, would you?'' She gets her punch in before he can stop her and it sends him to the ground, dazed but not unconscious. When she goes for Dean, Sam grabs her leg and she turns to snarl at him, angry black eyes looking right through him. She knocks him out with a kick, but she underestimates Dean._

_His arms wind around her waist, pulling her away from his brother and her back hits the car with a thud and he's got her pinned in a second, glaring down at her with the knife that can kill both her and Ruby pressed against her neck._

_She laughs, eyes falling back to harmless blue. ''You really think you can kill me? Remember, you kill me, you kill Ruby. You wouldn't do that. Not in a million years.''_

_He hates that she's right. ''Why don't you just leave her out of this? You want me. Take me.''_

_''This is better,'' she hisses. ''You just look so sad. I'd do anything to keep that lost puppy dog look on your face.'' The tables turn easily; she jams her knee into his gut, sends him to the ground groaning and she looks down at him with a sadistic smile on lips that aren't hers. ''You can't save your girl,'' she warns him, crouching down to his level. ''You never could.'' She catches his hand before he can hit her, lacing their fingers together. ''But stick around, baby.'' She leans in and presses Ruby's lips to his, harsh and cruel and not at all like Ruby. ''You're going to want to see what I do next.''_

_And then he finds himself slipping into darkness and the last thing he sees before he goes under is her smiling face._

**end chapter four**

* * *

**AN: ...Yeah. Another cliffhanger. Sorry. I couldn't help myself.**


	5. Fallen to dust

_AN: Here we go again with chapter five! And I have a confession to make. I have greatly enjoyed writing Evil!Ruby. She's spunky._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural, the characters or the poem ''Requiescat'' by Oscar Wilde.

* * *

**well, bless my soul**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

* * *

Chapter Five:  
**''Fallen to dust''**

* * *

_all her bright golden hair  
__tarnished with rust,  
__she that was young and fair  
__fallen to dust  
_**-oscar wilde**

* * *

_Wyatt misses his mom. That much is obvious. The normally lively boy is quiet and sullen; he mopes around the place, only speaking up in order to ask when his mom's coming home. Every hour, it's ''When's Momma coming home?'' And Dean just doesn't know what to tell him. Everyone keeps telling him that he should get some sleep. That he can't save Ruby if he's so tired he's about to drop. But everytime he closes his eyes...he sees her. With her eyes stained black and a cruel, taunting smirk on her face. He'll sleep when she's safe at home with her son. He makes an attempt to drink it away. But this is something he can't take away with whiskey and beer. The guilt runs deep, like a scar and he can't make it go away._

_Dean stands in the moonlit kitchen, leaning against the sink as he glances out the window at the stars hanging high in the sky. He tries to imagine what her life would have been like if he had never come back to her. She would have been safer. She could have found a nice guy who treated her and Wyatt right. Instead she's out there somewhere, a prisoner in her own body with some hell skank no doubt making her life a living hell. It's a curse, really. The Winchester name. Winchesters don't get happiness. They don't get families and love. They get guns and knives and troubles with the law and terrible supernatural forces._

_Once upon a time, he thought he would always be fine with jumping from girl to girl, from bed to bed, never settling down or having kids. He was never really a kid person anyway. But Ruby just...waltzed right in and changed it all._

_Shaking his head tiredly, he raises his bottle of beer to his lips only to stop and sigh. He stares at the liquor for a moment and then places it back on the counter. What's the point in drinking? It never does anything. Scrubbing a hand over his battle weary face, he turns around and startles at the sight of the little boy in the doorway. ''Wow,'' he murmurs when his heart starts beating again. ''You're...really quiet.''_

_Wyatt doesn't smile, hovering in the doorway looking hesitant and sad, his teddy bear, salvaged from the destruction at his home, held tightly in his arms._

_''Couldn't sleep?'' Dean asks, taking a step towards the boy._

_Wyatt shakes his head._

_''Yeah, I know how you feel.'' Gently, Dean puts his hands on Wyatt's shoulders and steers him into the living room. He takes a seat on the couch and waits for Wyatt to scramble onto the seat next to him before he speaks. ''You miss your mom, don't you?''_

_In response, Wyatt ducks his head and squeezes his bear._

_''Missing your mom...'' Dean trails off, eyes straying to the ceiling for half a second. ''...It's nothing to be ashamed of.''_

_Wyatt picks at his bear's ears._

_Dean tilts his head to the side because he's been spending way too much time with Castiel lately, and studies the boy carefully. Tearing his eyes away, he lets out a heavy breath and digs out his wallet, taking out a photograph that is cracked and worn from age. He looks at the smiling face for a moment, feeling that all too familiar sting in his heart, and then he hands it to Wyatt. He watches the child run his finger down the picture, big eyes wandering up to meet Dean's curiously. ''That's my mom.'' He smiles, nostalgia burning behind his eyes. ''She's pretty, huh?''_

_The question earns an eager nod from Wyatt, but the boy still doesn't speak, eyes focused on the picture in his hands._

_''I look at that picture when I get sad.'' Yeah, that shows. It's a very, very worn out looking picture. ''Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, Wyatt. Something bad did happen to your mom. But I promise you, I'm going to make it better. I'm going to bring her back.'' He watches a small smile dance across Wyatt's features briefly, disappearing as quickly as it came. ''Until then,'' he adds. ''I can give you something. For when you're sad.'' He plucks another photograph from his wallet, letting his eyes linger just a moment too long on the picture of a smiling Ruby with two year old Wyatt in her arms._

_Wyatt takes the picture, eyes lighting up at the sight of his mother. He hugs his bear tighter, stares at the picture of his mother and offers Dean a barely there smile that reaches all the way to his eyes regardless of how small it is. They sit in silence for a moment, the moon shining into the room, the rays of light casting an iridescent glow on Wyatt's face. After a moment passes in silence, Wyatt looks up from the picture to stare at Dean quizzically. He stares at him for an uncomfortably long time and just when Dean's about to ask him why he's staring, he speaks. ''Dean,'' he whispers, crawling closer to him. ''Are you my daddy?''_

_Dean's eyes widen and he opens his mouth to answer, but no sound comes out. ''What...What makes you ask that?'' He manages to get out at last._

_''Well...Well...I mean, I...I don't really need a daddy,'' Wyatt says quickly. '' 'Cause I got Momma and she's all I need. But...But you...you do things that daddies are 'posed to do. Like, you-you taught me how to ride a bike and...and that Zeppelin rules.''_

_Dean stifles a smile._

_Wyatt shrugs his shoulders, smiling innocently. ''And you know that I like my pizza cut into pieces a-and that I hate grape juice. And daddies are 'posed to know that stuff. You've been around for a real long time. I thought maybe you...you could be my daddy 'cause...'cause I like you. And you're like a superhero. I think it'd be cool to have you for a daddy, so...are you?'' Dean sighs heavily and leans back against the cushions. His silence seems to give Wyatt the answer he's looking for, shoulders slumping slightly in disappointment. ''Oh.''_

_''I wish...that I was,'' Dean answers honestly._

_'' 'Cause I'm cool?''_

_A laugh escapes Dean's lips. ''Yeah. 'Cause you're cool.'' He ruffles the boy's hair affectionately, earning a giggle in response. ''Now, how about I take you back to bed? It's late.''_

_''Will you tell me a story?''_

_''Sure thing, buddy.''_

_Wyatt hops to his feet, clutching both the bear and the picture in his small hands. ''Okay.''_

_''Okay, you go wait for me. I'll be right there.''_

_Wyatt nods, a little bit of brightness returning to his eyes as he scampers out of the room._

_Dean stares after him for a second, then allows his gaze to move to the discarded picture sitting on the sofa cushions. Swallowing hard, he picks up the thin photograph and looks at it for a long time like he's searching for hope. He traces her pretty face, the memories washing over him in waves. For the briefest, sweetest moment, he can almost smell lilacs in the room. His mother's smiling face, forever beautiful and young, stares up at him, her beauty untouched by the passing time._

_It's times like these that he really wishes she were here._

* * *

_She finds him before he finds her. Her bravery, her plans for senseless violence may be unflinchingly cold and clever, but her eagerness for Dean's pain is her one weakness. It's the one thing he's counting on. She finds him after a hunt. In the basement of an old house with secrets hiding in the walls. The old and rotted door blows open, wood splintering and cracking, flying through the air and she strolls in, looking deadly._

_''Dean,'' she greets._

_He whirls around to face her, letting shock glisten in his eyes for a moment. Then he smirks and lifts a shoulder in an effortless shrug. ''Lethal as always,'' he nods._

_''How've you been? The kid still crying for his mommy?''_

_His eyes darken. ''How'd you find me?''_

_''I have my ways.'' She leans against the wall, poking her tongue into the side of her cheek. ''You're alone,'' she comments. ''Couldn't pass up the opportunity.''_

_''Well, aren't you cunning?'' He nods towards the body that isn't hers. ''She still okay in there?''_

_''She...gives me a headache.''_

_He chuckles. ''That's definitely Ruby.'' Slowly, he begins to circle her and she follows his lead just like he hoped she would, unwilling to give him complete control of the situation. ''So, tell me something,'' he says. ''Do you have a name? Or should I just call you bitch?''_

_''Of course I have a name,'' she says innocently. ''It's Ruby.''_

_''You are not Ruby,'' he grinds out through his teeth._

_''I am now.''_

_''Don't count on it.''_

_''You understand why I'm doing this, don't you?'' She says, suddenly very serious. ''You have to suffer. I honestly don't give a fuck about Ruby and her kid. They're not my problem. But you,'' she shakes her head, ''you've got my full attention.''_

_''Oh, I understand,'' he retorts with a smirk. ''You're mad because I called you some bad names and roughed you up a little. Very mature.''_

_She stops in her tracks. ''Roughed me up a little?'' She sneers. ''You tortured me!''_

_''Grow a backbone, sister. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. You got yourself a one way ticked to the land of fire. What did you think it was going to be like down there? Hmm? People poking you in the ass with pitch forks and forcing you to listen to Milli Vanilli?'' He scoffs, folding his arms. ''The fire in Hell is very real, you twisted freak. You should've known that.''_

_She laughs bitterly. ''In case you hadn't noticed, babe, I'm kind of wearing your girlfriend here. I know Sam's supposed to be the smart one, but you'd think you could not piss me off.'' She shrugs and grins just a little too widely. ''Or else I'll have to stick a knife in her.''_

_He arches an eyebrow. ''In other words I struck a nerve, huh? Look, what happened in Hell happened in Hell. I can't change that. I am sorry for what I did to you. But something tells me you won't accept my apology.''_

_''You split my guts open!'' She screams, eyes flashing black. ''You split my guts open and you laughed when I cried and you ripped my heart out of my chest over and over and over again! Your apology means jack squat! You're an asshole! You should be back down there getting your guts torn out of you by some cruel bastard who licks blood off his fingers and smiles at the carnage.''_

_''Newsflash, psycho, that did happen to me.'' He rolls his eyes. ''Moron.''_

_''Oh, name calling. Nice way to get your girl killed, jackass.''_

_He sighs impatiently. ''I'm bored with talking.'' Much to his annoyance, she only smiles wider when he takes out the knife that could send her packing, a small chuckle escaping her lips._

_''Oh, Dean. You really think you have what it takes to kill me? Even if you weren't such a pansy, even if you could bring yourself to kill Ruby, I'm still stronger than you. You'd be dead before you even tried and you know it.'' Her eyes turn black, empty, endless pools of oil that pierce through him like he's a ghost. ''Face it,'' she drawls. ''I'm in control here.''_

_''If you say so,'' he says casually. ''But at least I can move.''_

_She ponders his words for a moment and then rage clouds her features as she slowly looks up at the Devil's Trap on the ceiling, keeping her in place. Her eyes are back to blue that doesn't belong to her when she looks back at him, angry and frustrated. ''Damn.''_

_''I can play tricks too,'' he warns. ''Tell me again who's in control, bitch.''_

_She flinches like she's been slapped. But her game face only slips for a second, if that. She moves with lightning fast reflexes, whipping out a knife that he just can't quite manage to grab in time and she points it at Ruby's chest, the tip of the knife breaking skin. Blood blooms from the small puncture wound and Dean feels a little lightheaded. ''Go ahead,'' she says slowly. ''Exorcise me. I'll slam this knife into her chest so fast she won't even be able to tell you how much she loves you.''_

_Well..._

_...Fuck._

_That kind of ruins his whole game plan._

_''Aw, honey. Don't look so sad,'' she grins. ''I can kill you too if you want. I can kill her and then you. It'd be like Romeo and Juliet. How's that sound?''_

_''You said this was about me,'' he says desperately. ''So kill me. Kill me and let her go. You said yourself you don't care about Ruby. Just let her go and kill me. Or let her go and possess me. You can torture me all you want.'' He's grasping at straws, he knows, but she keeps digging that knife in deeper and the blood running down Ruby's chest scares him more than she will ever know. ''I promise you, I'll suffer. You can take me and torture me like I tortured you.'' _

_She eases up on Ruby slightly; he breathes. ''You really think I'd trust you?''_

_''I'll give you my word.''_

_''Your word doesn't mean much.'' Still, she pauses, seemingly thinking over his offer. ''It is very tempting,'' she allows. ''Torturing you...it's what I dream about.''_

_Okay, that's...weird. But okay. He'd give it all for Ruby, he knows he would. The things he'd do for her. For Wyatt and Sam. The things he'd do for the people he loves terrifies him sometimes. More like all the time. ''You can torture me all you want. You just have to let Ruby go. I promise I scream real good.''_

_''If I don't take your offer, you'll try and kill me. Which means I'll, of course, have to kill Ruby. So...the offer is tempting,'' she tilts her head to the side and grins. ''And thanks. But I'd much prefer to do this.''_

_His surefire plan has backfired on so many levels. Luring her here, trapping her, it was clearly a huge mistake. And now she's raising the knife, preparing to slam it into Ruby's chest with no mercy whatsoever and it's all his fault. Again. The knife glints in the dim light and he does the only thing he can think of. He lunges forwards and makes a desperate grab for the knife. It distracts her momentarily and knocks her off her feet. She kicks him away and reaches for the knife that has slipped out of her grasp. He grasps her elbow, pulling her back to him and taking the knife from her hand with ease. Relief thrums through his veins and he makes to rise to his feet, but she grabs his foot and yanks him back down to her level. When she somehow manages to get a hold of the knife again, she stands and turns it towards herself. Her smile is cocky and self assured and she actually has the gall to wink at him. ''Say goodnight to Ruby, Dean.''_

_''No!''_

_But then she starts to cough._

_It's incredibly anticlimactic, but it's what happens. Her face twists in torment, the knife falls from her weakening grasp and she stumbles away from him. He snatches the knife and crawls out of the Devil's Trap, trying to decide if this is just some weird trick or if something is actually doing this to her. When her coughs become gags and she drops to her hands and knees, pain burning bright in her eyes, he knows this is not a trick. ''What...What are you...What are you doing to me?'' She manages to gasp out through wretched sounding coughs and gags._

_''I'm not doing anything.''_

_She looks up briefly and catches sight of something over his shoulder, eyes widening in terror. ''You!''_

_Dean whirls around, the most dreadful feeling of horror crashing down upon him at the sight of his brother standing in the doorway, hand outstretched in front of him, a frighteningly calm expression on his face. ''Sam...Sam!'' Dean rushes towards him, reaching for him, but Sam pushes him away, eyes only for her. ''Sammy...don't do this...''_

_She's still retching on the ground, fingernails digging into the wood, except now there's smoke curling out of her mouth. And if the sight of Sam using whatever freaky ass powers he's got isn't traumatizing enough, now Dean's watching her vomit up a thick stream of black smoke. Which is also an incredibly unpleasant and stomach turning thing to witness. When the demon is finally forced out of her body, she collapses to the ground, sweat glistening on her forehead. The only thing that tells her she's alive is the fact that her chest is rising and falling quite rapidly and he can hear a whimper escaping her lips._

_He pauses, just long enough to throw one last horrified look at his brother and then he's at her side, pulling her into a sitting position. ''Ruby? Ruby! Hey,'' he grabs her face in his hands, looking into her slowly opening blue eyes. ''Hey, look at me.''_

_She moans, hands grasping at his shirt. She gasps suddenly, eyes opening wide. ''Wyatt,'' she rasps out. ''Where's...Is he...Is he okay?''_

_''He's fine. He's just fine.''_

_She smiles weakly, drawing away from him to cough into her hand. There's blood coating her hand when she pulls it away and he's sure her throat must be shredded from that experience. It's not like that demon exited her smoothly. He shoots a glare towards Sam at that thought. ''Dean...'' Her voice is raspy, like she's smoked a pack a day her whole life and her grip on his shirt is a little more desperate._

_''It's okay,'' he soothes, pushing hair out of her eyes. ''You're going to be fine.''_

_''No, that's not...'' She shakes her head with a grimace. ''Dean, she...she didn't come here alone.''_

_The sound of a body hitting a wall alerts them to the presence of a new demon, black eyes and all, who struts in like he owns the place and pins Sam against the wall, hands pressed firmly to the wall most likely to prevent any funny business. He doesn't seem to care at all about Sam, or Ruby for that matter, his eyes are focused only on Dean. Before Dean has a chance to stand up, Ruby is rudely thrown across the room, landing in a crumpled heap and he is shoved up against a wall by a really pissed off demon._

_''Oh, she brought the big dude,'' Dean comments with a smirk. ''Super.''_

_The new guy cocks his head to the side, looking more and more inhuman with every movement he makes._

_''Hey!'' Sam tries to fight against the hold but fails miserably. ''Hey! Wait! Don't! If you touch him - ''_

_''What are you?'' Dean grins, cutting his brother's threat off. ''The muscle?''_

_DemonBoy moves closer, running a finger down Dean's chest. Just as Dean's about to make a comment about personal space, the demon literally pushes his finger right into Dean's flesh. And Dean tries not to, but he can't help but cry out at the feeling of a meaty finger wiggling around inside of him. That's really very painful. It's made worse when he pulls his finger out and licks it clean. It's official. Demons are psychologically twisted in so many ways. ''You stupid hunter,'' DemonBoy hisses. ''Do you know who she was? She was my - ''_

_''Your girlfriend?'' Dean manages to get out through gasps. ''Yeah, well, your girlfriend was inside of my girlfriend, so...I can't really say I'm sorry, big guy.''_

_He gets a snarl in response and a punch that makes his teeth dig into his lip, coppery blood filling his mouth. ''Let's see if you're such a smartass when your insides are on your outsides,'' his new friend says with an ugly ass smirk. He's about to do some serious damage. At least until someone taps him on the shoulder. He whirls around and doesn't even get a chance to react because before he can say a word, Ruby has shoved THE knife right through his neck. There's an orange glow, a strangled gasping sound and then he's dead and on the ground._

_Dean's eyes widen to the size of saucers and he blinks like he's sure this is a dream. She offers him the smallest of smiles and then turns her eyes to the body at her feet. ''Well,'' she says, voice still coarse and quiet. ''That was about as fun as childbirth. For which I received no drugs, by the way.'' She drops the knife and steps over the body, looking down at the outfit her 'friend' had dressed her in with her lip curled in disgust. ''Now, you boys had better take me back to my son before I totally lose my adrenaline buzz.'' Without sending them a backwards glance, she turns and heads for the door, leaving them staring after her._

_Dean blinks. ''Yep,'' he mutters, wincing and pressing a hand to the brand new finger sized hole in his torso. ''That's her, all right.''_

_But he's smiling wider than he ever thought possible when he says it._

* * *

_As a hunter, he loses things. Not as in an 'oh, crap where are my car keys' kind of way but in an 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust' kind of way. People around him get hurt. They get hurt and they die. So, he's gotten used to being alone. It's a terrible thing to have to get used to. Everybody deserves somebody, after all. But he's adjusted to being a lone wolf. He's convinced himself that all he needs is Sammy and that Ruby's...important, but he doesn't need her. He's fooled himself into believing that he can quit her any time he wants. But she is like a drug, an addiction, an affliction. Something he just cannot bring himself to quit. He's come to need her almost as much as he needs Sammy._

_He's lost people he needed before, however. Mom, Dad, he thinks he might be starting to lose Sammy. So, he's sure he'll survive if he quits her once and for all. Her life will turn around. She'll move on. Wyatt will forget about him eventually. And that's good. That's what he wants. Sure, it'll hurt like a nasty wound, bleeding and raw, but sooner or later, it'll have to get better and they'll both have to let go. Things will be better once he's gone._

_He tells himself that over and over again like a mantra while he takes her and Wyatt home the next day and it's all those miles later and he still doesn't quite believe it'll hurt less someday. He takes her back to her home, still trashed from the fight, he puts Wyatt to bed for her while she takes a shower and dresses in something a little less demon skank and a little more Ruby, he picks up the glass from the floor in her room and by the time she comes out of the shower, he's tried his damndest and he still hasn't come up with the right way to say goodbye to her._

_''You don't have to do that,'' she says, leaning against the doorframe._

_''I don't want you tripping over things in the middle of the night,'' he says, picking up a lamp from the ground and setting a chair upright._

_''I think I can manage,'' she smiles. ''Oh.'' She stands straight, smile turning into a smirk. ''Wait. Bend over again, I didn't mind that view.''_

_He turns to face her, a grin he just can't push away coming to rest on his lips. ''You're a very twisted woman.''_

_She laughs softly, humor dancing in her sparkling eyes. ''Maybe, but you still keep putting up with me.''_

_The smile fades from his face slightly and he sinks onto the bed, looking up at her closely. ''How do you feel?''_

_''Well...'' She moves towards him slowly, tugging at her damp ponytail. ''My throat feels like it's been put through a paper shredder and my bruises have their own bruises. And I...'' She breaks off in a small laugh, tangling her fingers with his. ''...I can't remember ever being this tired. But overall, I'm good.'' Her gaze moves from their entwined fingers up to meet his eyes. ''Nobody in here but me,'' she adds quietly._

_He tries to smile but it comes out looking more like a grimace. He's trying to tear his eyes away from hers, trying to move his body away from her, but she's holding him in place with her smile and her delicate touches that still somehow manage to make him shiver._

_''Dean,'' she sighs out his name, exhaustion sneaking into the tone of her voice. She's still smiling just for him as she straddles him, arms winding around his neck. ''Please stop brooding. I'm fine now. Everything's okay.''_

_''Ruby, you could have died.''_

_''But I didn't. I was not about to leave my son here all alone.''_

_He's the one to sigh in exhaustion this time, pushing hair out of her face so he can see her eyes. ''Are you sure you're okay?''_

_''Good as new,'' she murmurs, leaning in closer until her lips are mere inches away from his. ''Do you think...Do you think you can stay the night?''_

_He really, really means to say no. But then she kisses him and once again, he forgets how. She kisses him with fervor and he can't help but kiss back. She's done what no other woman has managed to do. She's reeled him in, tamed the bad boy inside, pulled him into the world he so desperately wants to be a part of. And he's going to leave her behind. Still, he tells himself, one more night can't hurt. His brain has gone fuzzy with thoughts of her lips and her touch and he's all but forgotten about goodbye, lost in the thought of one more night with her. His body takes over for his brain, the need that he has for her overpowering whatever sense has remained and he flips her over, laying her down on her back. Her hands make their way down his arms and up his chest, sliding his jacket off his shoulders. She tastes like peppermint, sweet and spicy and everything he wants. He lets his hands slip up her shirt and his lips trail kisses down her throat and it's only when her hands find their way towards the buckle on his jeans that he remembers this is not part of his plan. He draws away from her sharply, breathless and tingling and he practically throws himself off of her, rolling onto the bed beside her before stumbling to unsteady feet._

_She heaves herself to her feet, looking affronted and annoyed. ''You know,'' she says slowly, ''we were kind of in the middle of something.''_

_''I have to go.''_

_''What? Why?''_

_''You need to get some rest,'' he says lamely._

_She rolls her eyes, sitting down on the edge of the bed and crossing one leg over the other. ''You're way too overprotective, Dean. I'm fine.''_

_He shakes his head, shrugging back into his jacket. ''I can't stay.''_

_For a moment, she looks like she wants to protest, beg him to stay. But like always, she seems to realize there's really no point in arguing with him when he's made up his mind. With a genuine, albeit slightly disappointed smile, she nods and rises to her feet, reaching out to straighten his collar and smooth down his shirt. ''I know.'' Palms flat against his chest, she leans up to kiss his lips softly. ''I'll see you later,'' she says like it's a promise._

_He stays silent and has to turn away from her. He could just leave and not come back. No messy goodbyes. A clean break. Sort of. But that seems cruel and heartless and those are two things he never wants to be. Not with her. He makes it to the door and then stops, his hand on the doorknob. He speaks and his voice sounds much too quiet, tinged with loss and misery. ''I'm not coming back.''_

_The absence of sound that follows, the silence that puts him on edge, lasts for too long. Forever seems to pass before he hears her voice, raw and broken. ''What?''_

_He turns to face her, apology gleaming in green eyes. ''I'm not coming back.''_

_''Dean...''_

_''Look at what happened. I almost got you killed.''_

_''Dean, don't do this.''_

_''What happened to you, it happened because of me,'' he says. He wants to take a step towards her, but he knows if he gets any closer he won't be able to stop himself from kissing her and hiding away with her forever. ''She went after you because of something I did. Because of my past, you were almost killed. You were almost taken away from your son and I can't let that happen. I won't. Don't you understand that? I was almost Wyatt's age when my mother was killed and look what I turned into. Do you want Wyatt to end up like me? Because I sure don't.''_

_''Stop it! Just...stop. Okay, listen, what happened to your mother was horrible. It was. It was a terrible tragedy and I'm sorry you had to go through that. But that is not going to happen to me. I won't let it.''_

_''You can't control what evil does, Ruby!'' He yells, taking a step backwards when she moves forwards. ''You can't just say you're not going to let it happen, it doesn't work that way. It happens. Evil happens and I can't be here twenty four seven to protect you! I can't save you all the time!''_

_Her eyes light up with fire and her lips form an angry scowl, her breathing speeding up. ''I am not a damsel, Dean Winchester,'' she hisses. ''I don't need you to save me. I can save myself just fine.''_

_''Yeah? Well, you couldn't save yourself this time, now could you?'' He shoots back, with a bitter smirk._

_''I saved you,'' she snaps._

_He silences, taking in a few deep breaths and actively avoiding her eyes. ''You deserve someone better than me,'' he finally says, voice hollow and tight. Something about his words break her slightly, her anger replaced by sadness in the blink of an eye. He's gone before she can say another word, slipping out the bedroom door and down the hallway._

_She won't let go that easily, she won't just let him slip out of her life and in hindsight, he should have known it wouldn't be that easy. She catches his arm before he can reach the stairs, fingernails digging into his flesh in a desperate and useless attempt to make him stay. ''You can't just leave,'' she pleads. ''What about Wyatt? I...I had all these plans, Dean. For when this whole mess is over with. You were supposed to stay.'' He turns to face her, finding her broken and un-put together. She looks so unlike herself at the moment, devastated and lost and all he really wants to do is fix her. ''You promised me the stars once,'' she whispers hoarsely. ''Do you remember that? You promised you would give me the moon and the stars. You promised you would give me the world.''_

_He swallows hard and ignores the rapid beating of his heart that feels like it's about to beat right out of his chest. ''I promised you a lot of things, sweetheart,'' he says, voice void of any emotion whatsoever. ''Truth is, I can't give you anything. I can't give you a wedding or a family. All I can give you is goodbye.''_

_She doesn't let go, holding on tighter. ''Why are you doing this?''_

_Because she's way out of his league with a life he envies and a son he adores and they come from two different worlds that should never have met in the first place. '' Face it; we're not cut from the same cloth, Ruby. We're not meant to be.''_

_''You can't say that! Not after...Not after everything I've...''_

_''You deserve someone who will promise you the world, who will promise you everything and will actually follow through. I'm not that guy.''_

_''I don't want that guy!'' She pleads, grasping at him desperately. ''I just want you.''_

_He hesitates. He knows he shouldn't, knows it will only make this harder, but he hesitates all the same because...here she is, this amazing girl who only wants him. No girl has ever wanted him for him. Girls fall for his stories, his lies, his fake badges and his stories of the world he's never really seen. But not her. She wants him for who he is. And fuck, he sounds like a giant pansy, doesn't he? Forcing himself to remain stoic, he plasters his best indifferent look on his face, meets her eyes and he lies like he has never lied before. ''Well, I don't want you.''_

_The words are harsh, tinged with anger and disgust and it's all a lie. She probably knows it's a lie, but hurt still fills her eyes like tears and that hurts him more than he'll say. She lets go, her tears spill from her eyes, rolling down porcelain cheeks and he runs. He makes it down the stairs, determined to leave her. Just like he left all the others, like she's just another warm body. It's a coward's move. It's the easy way out. And he's a bastard for hurting her. But at least she'll be safe in the long run._

_''You're lying!'' Her voice rings out, loud and clear as she chases after him. ''I know you're lying!''_

_''How can you be so sure?''_

_''Tell me you don't love me!'' She screeches wildly, jumping in front of him and preventing him from escaping out the front door. ''Tell me you don't love me. Tell me that I mean nothing to you, that Wyatt means nothing to you. I think you're scared, Dean. I think you're a coward who can't let himself love somebody because of what happened to your mother. And I am sorry for what happened to your mother and I'm sorry that your father turned into a revenge driven mad man, but...you are not your father. You are not your father, I am not your mother and Wyatt is not you. And...And I think it scares you that I'm willing to wait for you because no one ever has. No one's ever even offered, have they? I think it scares you how real this is. I think you're scared that I want to be with you because you want to be with me too. But...if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me, then I'll let you go. I'll move on and I'll forget and you can go live a miserable, lonely life just like your father. If you can't...then I'll still wait for you.''_

_He can't honestly tell her that he doesn't love her. He can't honestly tell her that everything she just said isn't true. But he's gotten so good at lying over the years that sometimes it's almost like the truth. He can lie with the best of them. He looks into her eyes and says with conviction he doesn't really possess, ''I don't love you.''_

_She stills, hands falling limply to her sides._

_He doesn't wait for her reaction; he doesn't want to see her in any more pain than she is now. He's already positive the look in her eyes is going to haunt him for the rest of his life. He pushes past her to grasp the doorknob, pausing briefly. He still wants her. He'll always want her. More than any other woman in the world, he wants her and the life they could have had. But instead of running back to her and kissing her until she forgets all the horrible things he's said, he turns the doorknob and because he's not ready to forget about her just yet, he turns to throw her one last glance. She remains turned away from him, shoulders shaking in silent sobs that he has once again caused. _It'll be better this way_, that nasty little voice in the back of his head whispers. _It'll be better for everyone. _He takes a deep breath. ''Bye, Ruby.''_

_And he leaves her crying in the shadows of a darkened and wrecked living room with only a handful of broken promises to remember him by._

_He promises himself that this time he won't ever come back._

**end chapter five**


	6. Colder thy kiss

_AN: Second to last chapter, people. Now, I have to warn you, this chapter's pretty short, but I really wanted to end it where it was._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural, any of the characters or the poem ''When We Two Parted'' by Lord Byron.

* * *

**well, bless my soul**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

* * *

Chapter Six:  
**''Colder thy kiss''**

* * *

_when we two parted  
__in silence and tears,  
__half broken-hearted  
__to sever for years,  
__pale grew thy cheek and cold,  
__colder thy kiss;  
__truly that hour foretold  
__sorrow to this  
_**-lord byron**

* * *

It was a promise he kept for a very long time.

A year. One year without her and Wyatt.

And he was right. It did hurt. It was..._excruciating_ actually. It never stopped. The pain...it never stopped. It only got worse with each passing day, a little thread of torture worming in and out. He saw her everywhere. In his dreams, in the faces of other girls he tried to use to forget, in the bottom of the bottle he tried to drown in. He compared every girl he met to her. He never met one that could hold her own next to Ruby. She was out there moving on while he was standing still and losing grip. He had to stop wearing his ring because it reminded him of her. That was just plain unfair. He used to love that ring. Then all of a sudden all he could see in it was her. Losing her nearly killed him. Made him tired, made him aware of his age all of a sudden.

He lost Sam and then got him back. He lost Cas and then got him back. Lucifer walked the earth with a vengeance just lying in wait for Sam and Michael wanted Dean for himself. It was a...really weird year. End of the world weird. With vessels and Team Free Will and the apocalypse that loomed in front of them like a dark rain cloud.

He saw what it would be like if he didn't say yes. He saw the carnage and the destruction and what he would become, empty and hollow with no one there to put him back together. No Sam, no Bobby, no Ruby, no Wyatt, a Cas that wasn't his and a world that wasn't like it should be. (_''Ruby and Wyatt are dead, dumbass.''_ his future self had hissed at him, emotionless and a shadow of everything Dean was supposed to be. _''I got there too late.''_) He saw what would happen and he still wouldn't say yes. Determined to stay on Team Free Will, he used every last ounce of his strength and determination to tell himself that he could save it. He could save the world without saying yes and maybe, just maybe...

It took awhile, but eventually the state of the world he lived in beat the courage out of him. He had been a shell for a long time, a shadow of what he used to be, but the universe pounded him into the pavement and broke him down into nothing but bones and flesh and this unbearable emptiness that he just couldn't seem to fill up with alcohol. He lost faith he didn't even know he had left.

So basically he figured _Hell, I'm dying already. Why not take the final step?_

He lost more than enough over the year that seemed to drag on forever. And he just...didn't want to lose anymore. If this would save the world then that was great. The part where he got to rest _finally_ was just an added bonus.

He left Sam and Cas behind with full intention to finally say that three letter word that would seal fate and break barriers. And hopefully, you know, _stop_ the world from ending.

But leaving this life behind without telling her everything he had kept inside for years was just not an option. It might hurt her, but she had to know. Because...There were certain people in life that made a difference. Certain people who left memories too deep to be erased. Certain people who made you feel lighter and happier. Like being with them was where you were supposed to be. There were certain people you were just meant to find.

For Dean Winchester that person had always been Ruby Daniels. She was the one girl he gave his whole heart to and the one girl who never really gave it all back, leaving him with haunting dreams of what could have been.

He saw her when he closed his eyes.

So if he was going down, he was going down _after_ he told her everything he had left unsaid for too long. They at least deserved a better ending than him leaving her crying alone in her smashed living room.

* * *

_He's accepted that they'll never be. He's accepted that they're star crossed lovers who don't belong. He's hoping that after over a year, she has too. He's hoping that, after over a year, she's got some great guy waiting on her hand and foot and providing her with anything she wants and everything she deserves. He's hoping she's happy. That's all he's ever wanted for her. If he's learned anything at all in his life, he's learned that happiness is precious._

_Her house looks the same. Green grass, flowers, the lilac tree she always used to say was the sole reason she bought the house in the first place because she remembered the story about his mother and how she always smelled like lilacs. There's the same car in the driveway, the same curtains in the window. Everything is the same but the air he breathes. It feels different in his lungs. Not like the stale air of dirty motel rooms and warehouses and everything else hunters breathe in. This air feels like home. Like Ruby and Wyatt and Sam and the Impala and sunshine and apple pie. He falters on the way to the door when it hits him that he won't ever breathe in this air again. He pauses before he rings the doorbell, mentally counting the ways this could go wrong and just how many hits she can get in before she finally goes for the groin and takes him down. Because she will. Fifty seven is what he comes up with. He's really going to have to remember not to make any sudden movements. He takes a breath, steels himself and rings the doorbell._

_The sound of a dog barking comes from inside reminding him that time has not stood still and things have indeed changed. A moment passes, the sound of barking gets farther and farther away and then the door swings open and she's there in all her glory. Wavy blond hair falls in her eyes and she glows in the sunlight, just like she used to. She still sparkles in his eyes, she still makes him spin like no other and she still makes him forget how to breathe. More importantly, she still makes him smile._

_He, however, does not appear to be able to make her smile anymore. The bright smile she's wearing slips off her lips at the sight of him, replaced by shock and something that could be considered awe like she believes he's a mirage or something else she cannot touch. ''It's you,'' she breathes out after a second of staring and he watches the faintest hint of a smile graze her lips for a fraction of a second._

_And he has all these things that he wants to say to her, big monologues that he's prepared and yet all he manages to get out is a, ''Hi'' that is not nearly enough._

_''You...You look...'' She stops to look him over closely, the eyes of a mother catching things that other people can't see. ''You look tired. You look really tired, Dean.'' She frowns with something almost like sympathy, head tilted to the side. ''Are you tired?''_

_In every sense of the word. ''Not really.'' He shifts from foot to foot, an uncomfortable awkwardness plaguing them like a disease that worms and crawls. ''So...what's new?''_

_''We got a dog.''_

_''I heard.''_

_''A German Shepherd. Wyatt named her Tallie. Short for Metallica. I blame you for that.''_

_''How is Wyatt?''_

_''He asks about you less,'' she says bluntly. ''But he still asks. I think...'' She trails off and throws a glance over her shoulder. ''I think he still believes you're coming back.'' She whirls back around to face him, lips drawn into a thin, tight line. ''But you're not. Are you? You're not ever coming back.'' When she doesn't get an answer, she smirks, looking a little bitter as she steps outside and shuts the door behind her. ''You know,'' she begins and he gets the feeling this is going to hurt. ''I met a guy.''_

_Yep. Like a bullet._

_He has to swallow._

_She crosses her arms, a light, warm breeze ruffling her hair. ''His name is Matt. He's sweet and charming and funny and he's not you. He's the opposite of you actually. He's a doctor.'' She pauses like she's waiting for him to say something, clearing her throat when he doesn't. ''He doesn't drink like a fish or curse like a sailor. I don't think he's ever been in a fight his entire life because he's just too charming to piss anyone off.'' She smiles and he sees the way she can't look at him, her smile tainted with anger. ''He dotes on Wyatt, he treats me like I should be treated and he...he doesn't make me wait. The first time he said he loved me, I couldn't say it back and he...'' She laughs a strangled laugh that gets caught in her throat. ''He understood. Do you know what he said when I couldn't say it back?''_

_''...What?''_

_''He said he'd wait. He's the perfect guy. Compared to him, you're like...Mr Right's dumbass brother Mr Wrong. He says things you never could and he doesn't run scared and he lets me into his heart and...'' Her face twists like she's in pain, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. ''And I wanted to love him so much,'' she admits, voice cracking. ''He proposed last week. He proposed with beautiful flowers at a beautiful restaurant that costs more than my car with beautiful music and a beautiful ring and I said no. I said no because it wouldn't have been fair to him. It wouldn't have been right to marry him when...'' She lifts her eyes to him and he sees now that she's crying. Just enough to make a tear slide down her cheek. ''...When you're still there.''_

_''Ruby - ''_

_''And I hate that you're still there,'' she says vehemently, sniffling and swiping at her eyes to erase any trace of vulnerability. ''I hate that you're still there because you shouldn't be. You were right. I should've let you go a long time ago. It's been a year, Dean. You didn't call, didn't write, you missed Wyatt's birthday. You never miss Wyatt's birthday. He was crushed.''_

_''I sent him a gift.''_

_''There was no card. How was he supposed to know it was from you?''_

_''Well, obviously you figured it out.''_

_She scoffs and looks away from him, clasping her hands together. ''It's been a year,'' she repeats angrily. ''And part of me is still waiting.'' She shakes her head and brushes hair out of her eyes with painted nails. ''You've completely and utterly fucked me up in the love department. I should hate your guts for doing this to me.''_

_''I'd understand,'' he says quietly. ''If you hated me forever.''_

_''Well, I don't,'' she grumbles. ''I wish I did, but I don't. I don't know how.''_

_''I'm sorry for that.''_

_''You should be.'' She pauses and he pauses and neither of them say a word, both unsure of what the right thing to say is. ''I've thought about this,'' she says, still glaring at him with a frown on her face. ''The moment when the great Dean Winchester blows back into my life like a hurricane. I asked myself what it would be like. What would you say? Would you finally want to stay? What could you possibly do to make things right? So, go ahead,'' she smirks and crosses her arms. ''Give it your best shot. Make it better. Say something.''_

_He's not great with words. He's never been great with words. Sam's the brains. Dean's the muscle. That's the way it's always been. There have been so many times he's wished he was great with words, but he's just not. And he could tell her all of that, but he'd rather just say what he came here to say. So he says it. Fast and easy. Like ripping off a band aid. ''I love you.''_

_She freezes. She goes still and rigid and for a moment he thinks she has actually stopped breathing. ''You...'' She looks at him like she can't quite comprehend the words he's said. ''You what? Dean, you can't just come back into my life after a year and - ''_

_He may not be good with words, but there are things he needs to say to her, things he needs to make her see before he goes. ''Wait. Just...Just let me finish, all right? Just listen to me for a second because I don't think I'll be able to say this again. Are you listening?'' He takes a step towards her at her nod, swallowing hard. ''I've...I've been with a lot of women in my life, Ruby. But I've only loved two. See, the first one...she was this girl who was smart and pretty and I let her see my heart even though I knew I shouldn't have. I didn't let her see all of me though. I couldn't. And when she finally saw me for what I really am, she didn't want me anymore. And I swore to myself that I would never let that happen again because it hurt more than I ever said and I don't do sadness and heartbreak and all that crap, that's supposed to be Sam's gig. But then...you came along. And you...you saw it all. You saw everything that I am and everything that I was and everything that I could be and you didn't run or hide. You just asked me to stay. You were something else all together for me. Something beautiful and perfect that I couldn't possibly deserve. And when I close my eyes and imagine the way things could be...all I can see is you.''_

_She smiles, lips trembling, eyes glistening. ''Dean...''_

_''When I see myself happy, it's with you and Wyatt. I think...I think I might've fallen for you that first day in the snow. I've ignored it, I've tried to tell myself that what we had wasn't real, I've tried to drink you away but I can't. It's always been you, Ruby. You and Wyatt...'' He tries to breathe around the ache in his throat. ''You're home.'' He looks away from her as if he's embarrassed, small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. ''I'm sorry for the way things went down that night. I should've been better. I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have lied to you, Ruby.'' He looks at her and meets her eyes. ''I do love you. More than you'll ever know. I just wish...I just wish that I could stay.''_

_''Dean,'' she reaches for him but her hand drops away before she touches him. ''Why don't you come inside?''_

_He shakes his head. ''Thanks, but I can't.'' Looking over his shoulder like the apocalypse is right on his heels, he reaches for something in his pocket. ''There are things coming, Ruby. You know that. You might see things, you might hear things, but I don't want you to be afraid because I've made arrangements for you and Wyatt. You'll be safe. You'll both be safe.''_

_Worry clouds over in her eyes and her voice comes out ragged and soft. ''Why does this sound like a goodbye?''_

_He breathes in a deep breath of the fresh air around him and curls his fist around the object in his hand. ''I'm tired, Ruby. I'm tired and there are things that I have to do. Things that need to be done if this is going to end anytime soon. I don't want you to wait anymore,'' he warns. ''That's not fair to you. But this,'' he holds out the silver ring to her and her hand is pleasantly warm when he takes it. ''This has been yours for years.''_

_She accepts the ring with heartache in her shining eyes._

_His throat aches terribly and his eyes sting unpleasantly as he leans in to press a kiss to her forehead. She leans up to kiss him on the lips when he tries to pull away, holding onto him tightly like he's her lifeline. He kisses back, of course he does, and he squeezes his eyes shut. It hurts more than he thought it would and when he draws away from her, he can't breathe. ''I can't stay,'' he whispers into her ear; his voice is longing in its purest form. Passion and grief and goodbye all rolled into one._

_She's crying when he pulls back to look at her, tears swimming in her blue eyes. ''I know.''_

_And that's the end._

_He stays long enough to brush away her fallen tears and offer her one last whisper of, ''I love you, sweetheart'' and then he's gone._

**end chapter six**

* * *

**AN: So, yeah. Pretty short and pretty depressing. I just really wanted to end this chapter on that last ''I love you, sweetheart.'' Only one more chapter to go with this story. I'm really going to miss it.**


	7. In this kingdom by the sea

_AN: Well, here we go. The last chapter. I'm so sad this story is over. It was a hell of a lot of fun while it lasted._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural, any of the characters you recognize, the poem ''Annabel Lee'' by Edgar Allan Poe or the song ''Can't Help Falling In Love'' by Elvis Presley.

* * *

**well, bless my soul**

_Written by Becks Rylynn_

* * *

Chapter Seven:  
**''In this kingdom by the sea''**

* * *

_it was many and many a year ago,  
__in a kingdom by the sea,  
__that a maiden there lived whom you may know  
__by the name of Annabel Lee;  
__and this maiden she lived with no other thought  
__than to love and be loved by me._

_she was a child and i was a child,  
__in this kingdom by the sea:  
__but we loved with a love that was more than love -  
__i and my Annabel Lee  
_**-edgar allan poe**

* * *

Fate is a cruel and heartless little bitch and Dean swears he's going to blow a cap in her pasty ass if he ever sets eyes on her.

He did not say yes after he left her standing there on that sunny day with his silver ring in her hand. He did not say yes and the world was not saved. At least not until Sam...until _Sammy_ saved it.

His little brother saved the whole world, that was how it ended. His little brother, his baby brother, his _Sammy_ saved the whole wide world and left Dean on his knees, bleeding and on the edge of an oblivion without his brother. His stupid, brilliant, pain in the ass, wonderful kid brother who he loved with everything inside of him and more, the one he'd die for again and again, the one he'd pulled from a fire when the world was still so bright with colors only a child saw, the one he'd give it all up for...saved the fucking world. And no one would ever know. No one would ever know how close it came to stopping.

A Winchester did some extraordinary. A Winchester saved lives. A Winchester sacrificed everything he had to give. It's the same old song time and time again. Only this time there is an ending. This time there was Sam. There was, _''Promise me when this is all over that you'll go back to Ruby, Dean. You go crawling back and you pray to God she takes you in and you stay. You stay forever with her and with Wyatt because they're where you belong. You've fought so hard. You deserve her. And I want you to be happy. You know that's all I want. Just...promise me, Dean. Promise me!''_

Sam Winchester saved the world so Dean Winchester could finally find forever with Ruby Daniels.

And now...

Dean is _here_.

All those years, all those memories, all those kisses and touches and the longing that enveloped them both like smoke...All those catastrophes, all those ends and beginnings and apocalypses. Demons and Angels and Fire and Ice and _Sam_ and _Dean_. It has all brought him back to her. To her blue eyes and her smile that makes him shiver and her son that he loves with a love only a father can have. It's the end of the road, the end of the journey.

And, like all roads somehow do, this road has lead him home.

He stands in the moonlight, leaning against the car that has been home for so long, arms crossed, breathing even. He should be moving, should be ringing the doorbell and offering her everything he's got left to give. But the night is quiet and peaceful and he thinks it might be nice to just stay here for a minute and breathe. The stars hang limply above his head, little lights that have guided him home and the moon shines bright.

He promised her the world once. He promised her the moon and the stars in the sky and now he thinks he's finally ready to give it to her.

Pushing off the Impala, he makes his way to the door with slow, deliberate steps and doesn't hesitate even a second before ringing the doorbell. He's hesitated enough for a lifetime with her. He turns to look at the stars one more time. They seem to wink at him like they know him from the perch in the clear night sky. A lopsided smile crosses his lips and for the briefest moment, he smells the scent of lilac and feels soft, familiar fingertips brushing across his skin.

The door opens.

When she sees him standing in her doorway, she raises a hand to press two fingers to her lips, eyes sparkling in the moonlight and he can see the glimmer of the silver ring on her finger.

He offers her a half smile and whispers out a greeting. ''Hi, Ruby.''

She looks at him, just_ looks _at him, and he knows she can tell exactly what has happened. She smiles a blinding albeit slightly shaky smile and her hand falls to her side. ''Hi, Dean.''

He swallows. ''I, uh, I know I told you not to wait for me. But - ''

''I waited anyway.''

''...Why?''

''You're...You're _Dean_.''

There is more that needs to be said. There is. But for now...

He steps across the threshold, his hands move to her face, her skin warm and soft under his hands and he kisses her with more feeling than he's ever showed anyone. She kisses back with all she has, the fire still burning brightly between them and on the couch, with a big dog beside him, Wyatt makes a face and absently slips the dog a piece of popcorn while his mom's not looking. ''You should know,'' he says to the dog, ''that they're probably gonna do that a lot. I think it's gross too.''

The dog makes a noise and stares up at him with big brown eyes like she disapproves.

Wyatt wrinkles his nose. ''Well, what do you know? You're a dog.''

Dean pulls away first, but only to come up for air briefly, resting his forehead against hers. She smiles softly and opens her eyes, arms winding around his neck. She breathes in deeply and looks him in the eye. ''And will you stay?'' She whispers and it all comes down to this moment.

''Yes,'' he says, the words he's been longing to say for so long escaping his lips after an eternity of waiting. ''I'll stay.''

She kisses him again, with passion and a warmth that spreads throughout his entire body like flames from a fire. She tastes like peppermint and she smells like coconut shampoo and she feels exactly like everything he's been waiting for. She feels like home.

With one arm still wrapped around his neck, she reaches the other one out...

...and she shuts the door.

* * *

**epilogue;**

_wise men say  
__only fools rush in  
__but i can't help  
__falling in love with you_

_shall i stay  
__would it be a sin  
__if i can't help  
__falling in love with you_

''Which one is she again?''

''She's the one in the pink.''

''That so does _not_ narrow it down.''

''She's in the back. She's the one that looks like she's got a plan to con the little guy on the right out of his blanket.''

''...I still can't see her.''

Dean sighs heavily and effortlessly lifts the seven year old into his arms, pointing into the nursery. ''Do you see her now?''

Wyatt purses his lips and leans closer to the window, nearly hitting his head on the glass. Then his eyes light up and a wide smile breaks out on his face. ''Oohh. I see her now. She does look like she's up to somethin'.''

''I told you.''

''She's all wrinkly.''

Dean chuckles softly, shaking his head. ''She'll get cuter.''

''You think?''

''Dude, come on. She's got your mom's genes. She'll get beautiful.''

Wyatt swivels around to cast Dean a look and then shrugs and leans in close to the glass once again. ''Are you sure that's my sister?''

''Well, unless your mom gave birth to the wrong kid, yes, I'm sure.''

''Okay. I guess.''

With one last towards his new daughter, asleep in the hospital's nursery, Dean leads Wyatt away from the window and takes a seat in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs, waiting until Wyatt's scrambled onto the chair next to him to speak. ''What's up with the 'tude, dude?''

''There's no 'tude,'' Wyatt mumbles, sinking lower into the chair like he wants to disappear. ''And don't rhyme at me.''

''There is 'tude. I know when there's 'tude. I practically invented 'tude.''

''Stop saying 'tude. It doesn't even sound like a word anymore.''

''It's _not_ a word.''

Wyatt lets out a long sigh and drops his chin into the palm of his hand, staring at the wall in front of him, looking deep in thought. Dean doesn't say anything, choosing to let the boy talk when he's ready instead. Running a hand over his exhausted face, Dean brings his eyes to the solid gold band on his finger, twirling it absently as he waits for the kid to speak. ''What if she doesn't like me?'' Wyatt eventually bursts out, confession followed by a huge sigh.

Dean scoffs. ''Impossible.''

''No. Not impossible. Very possible. She could grow up to hate me.'' With that, Wyatt huffs and crosses his arms, sinking even further into the chair.

''She will not hate you.''

''But how do you _know_?''

''Because you'll be her big brother,'' Dean says quietly, thoughts drifting elsewhere. He smiles, slightly nostalgic as he meets Wyatt's eyes. ''You'll love her like you've never loved anyone and you'll protect her and look after her and she'll...she'll be your best friend. She's going to be a pain in the ass. She's going to call you names and you're going to call her names and you two are going to bug the hell out of each other. But she's going to be your little sister. Trust me when I say that being a big brother...That means something incredible, Wyatt. And you know what else? She is going to love you so much.''

For a moment, Wyatt smiles, wide and brilliant. But he clears his throat quickly and holds his hand up, shaking his head seriously as his smile morphs into a smirk. ''Whoa there, Dad. No chick flick moments. Remember? Your rule.''

Dean laughs and ruffles Wyatt's hair affectionately.

Wyatt sobers slightly, rising to his feet and making his way back to the window. ''Do you...'' He presses his hand to the glass and stares across towards his sister. ''...Do you really think she'll like me?''

''More than anything else in the whole world,'' Dean answers honestly. ''Oh, except there will be no going on the road to search for your missing father and winding up selling your soul for hers at the crossroads and then going to hell and then coming back to a demon blood addicted sister and the end of the world which only ends in badness, okay? I forbid it. Besides, I never plan on going missing.''

Wyatt blinks up at him like he's insane and then shrugs, turning back to the babies. ''Noted.''

* * *

Dean sits in the chair next to her bed, eyes firmly focused on her sleeping form. It's amazing how she manages to look beautiful even after twenty two hours of labor, with her hair stringy and dark circles under her eyes. Of course, she always looks beautiful to him. He leans forwards because he can't help himself, brushing hair out of her eyes and taking her hand. His thumb grazes her wedding ring and the sight of it still thrills him like he can't believe it's real. She's real and she's his and now they have two kids and an apple pie life.

She stirs in the bed, blue eyes blinking open slowly. She smiles groggily at the sight of him, squeezing his hand. ''Hey,'' she murmurs, voice thick with sleep.

''Hey,'' he leans forwards to kiss her forehead. ''How do you feel?''

''Like I just had a baby,'' she deadpans.

''Good memory.''

She chuckles, licking dry lips as she starts to push herself into a sitting position, a grimace crossing her lips. Automatically, he reaches out to help her and she smiles gratefully. She eyes him closely when she's comfortable, tilting her head to the side. ''Well, look at you.''

''What?''

''All unshaven with your shirt un-tucked and your hair going in all directions. You're all...new father-y. It's adorable.''

''Almost as cute as your bird's nest hair,'' he smirks.

''Ugh.'' She groans and reaches up to fix her hair. ''Don't remind me.'' Her hands still eventually and she leans back against the pillows, smiling tiredly. ''Where's Wyatt?''

''I sent him home with your uncle. He's got school tomorrow.''

''You take him to see his sister?''

''Uh-huh. He said she was wrinkly, we took all the value out of the word 'tude which is not actually a word and then we discussed being a big brother. Oh, and when the nurse went to check on little no name she opened her eyes and started howling and I swear she tried to bite the good nurse. Our daughter is a troublemaker.'' He grins goofily. ''We have awesome kids. Celebratory high five.''

She rolls her eyes but leans forwards to smack his hand anyway, a grin starting on her lips. ''You're a child.''

''I'm a dad.''

''Are you drunk right now?''

''Drunk on life, darlin'.''

''You're such a dork,'' she laughs.

''Yeah, well, you married me. You have to put up with me forever.'' He presses his lips to hers, effectively silencing her comeback and her fingers grasp at his shirt. He can feel her smile against his lips, a contented sigh escaping her lips. He draws away from her, resting his forehead on hers. ''You were amazing,'' he says seriously. ''Did I mention that?''

She grins. ''Only about four times. Five now.''

''I love you, you know.''

''I'd certainly hope so,'' she touches his face lightly. ''I love you too, you know.''

''It's 'cause I'm so lovable.''

A knock on the door alerts them to the presence of the night nurse. She enters the room with a bright smile on her face and a baby in a bassinet. ''Hey, you two,'' she greets. ''I'm glad you're awake. This little one has been waiting to see you.''

Ruby's face lights up and she smiles a wide smile that is wider than any smile Dean has ever seen. He watches the nurse carefully place the baby in her mother's arms. Ruby is an expert, her movements impossibly gentle, her arms supporting the baby just right. It shows that she's done this before. Her eyes are sparkling when she looks up at him. ''We do have awesome kids,'' she whispers.

''You suspected any different?''

''You know what this means, don't you?'' Ruby asks softly, after a moment has passed in silence.

''I know,'' Dean nods. ''No sex for six weeks. The doctor told me.''

''We have two kids now,'' she says softly. ''We need a minivan.''

Dean's eyes widen. ''W-What?''

She laughs, shaking her head and looking down at the baby with a smile unlike anything he's ever seen. ''Kidding. I just wanted to freak you out.''

''Like that's hard when you're talkin' about minivans.''

''Dean,'' she says suddenly, beckoning him forwards. ''Do you want to hold her?''

He hesitates. ''I...don't know. I might...What if I break her? I don't want to break her.''

Her smile never falters as she pulls him down onto the bed next to her. ''Don't be a wuss.'' And then she's carefully transferring the baby from her arms and into his before he can stop her. ''She's your daughter. You're going to have to hold her sometime.'' Once the baby is safely in her daddy's arms, Ruby sits back to admire her work. ''See? You're a natural.''

But Dean's eyes are transfixed on the baby girl in his arms. He's never really understood the whole fawning over babies thing before. But now...looking at _his _baby in _his _arms, he gets it. She's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen with her tiny fingers and her tiny eyes that stare up at him. ''Wow,'' he can't help but whisper, glancing up at Ruby briefly. ''She has your eyes.''

''All babies have blue eyes when they're born.''

''No,'' he says. ''She has your eyes.'' He looks back down at the baby and he can't look away. Just like her mother, all those years ago, this little girl has got him. Hook, line and sinker. ''We did pretty good, didn't we, Ruby?'' He asks, looking up at Ruby.

She smiles and falls back against her pillow, nodding. ''Yeah,'' she says softly. ''We did good, Dean.''

* * *

It's not like it just goes away. There is no magic cure for loss. It doesn't work that way. The truth is, there is still an ugly, gaping, aching, raw and bleeding hole inside of him where Sam used to be. He still has his good days and his bad days. Still has nightmares that make him tremble and he still wakes up some days thinking his brother will be alive and well. Nothing is ever going to make the hurting go away completely, not even time can heal all wounds. But the fact that his daughter was born into a world that won't end helps. And when she's old enough, he'll tell her about the great man her uncle was.

''It's been three days.''

Wyatt's voice tears him away from his thoughts and Dean lifts his eyes from his coffee. ''Yes,'' he says matter-of-factly. ''It has been.''

''Three days since we brought her home and she _still_ doesn't have a name.''

''I don't know,'' Dean shrugs. ''Baby Girl is kinda growing on me. It's unique.''

''It's gonna get her beat up every day of her life.''

''Okay, Einstein,'' Dean leans back in his chair with a smirk. ''Got any ideas?''

Wyatt drums his fingers on the kitchen table thoughtfully, frown on his face. After a moment, he shakes his head and rises to his feet and stomps out of the room. Before Dean can even roll his eyes, the door swings back open and Wyatt reappears with a book in his hands. ''The Big Book of Children's Names,'' he reads the title, smile lighting up his features. ''Okay, I'm going to randomly flip to a page and point to a name and that is the name she will have for the rest of her life. How does that sound?''

''Crazy.''

''What's crazy?'' Ruby's voice filters throughout the room as she sits down at the table, Baby Girl Winchester safe in her arms. ''Wyatt's hair? Because, honey,'' she shakes her head and reaches over to brush a toast crumb off the corner of the boy's mouth. ''You do look a little ridiculous.''

''I'm trying something new,'' is his nonchalant response, one hand moving to touch his new spiky hair.

''You're seven. Not seventeen. Can't you at least wait until you're in the double digits to do the whole crazy hair thing?''

''I think it looks cute,'' Dean drawls with a smirk.

Wyatt looks up sharply, eyes narrowed in disgust. ''_Cute_?'' He echoes, clearly incredibly displeased. ''You think it looks cute?''

''I think it looks _adorable_.''

Wyatt scowls in response. ''As soon as I pick out a name, I'm going to wash my hair.'' With his eyes cast downwards, studying the book carefully, he doesn't see Dean smile into his coffee cup. ''All right!'' Wyatt chirps dramatically, his loud voice earning a whimper from the baby in his mother's arms. ''Here it goes.'' He flips through the book without a care in the world, squeezes his eyes shut and points to a name. Holding his breath, he opens one eye to peer at the chosen name. A frown takes over and he has to lean closer, confusion clouding his eyes. ''Y...Yo...'' He sighs impatiently and holds the book out to Dean, pointing out the name. ''What does that say?''

''Yoninah.''

Ruby's eyes widen as she looks back and forth between Wyatt and the baby in her arms. Finally, she shakes her head and lets out a sigh. ''She's going to murder us in our sleep.''

''It's Hebrew,'' Dean reads, ''and it means dove.''

''You both _know_ I'm not a fan of birds,'' Ruby says slowly.

Wyatt shakes his head. ''We should've picked out a name when we first found out about her.''

''Good idea,'' she nods, with a small smirk. ''Except I believe Dean was too busy breathing into a paper bag to really discuss baby names.''

''You freaked out too!'' Dean protests, pointing an accusing finger at his wife. ''I wasn't alone in that.''

''Yes, but I freaked out about important things,'' she says patiently. ''Like money and the fact that you had only been living here for two months and we weren't even married yet. You freaked out over the possibility of someday having to trade in your car.''

''Hey, that is a valid concern.''

He holds her gaze for a moment and then she gives up. ''Yeah, all right.''

''Thank you.''

''I meant we should have picked out a name when we found out the baby was a girl,'' Wyatt adds.

''Once again,'' Ruby says. ''Dean was too busy _breathing into a paper bag_.''

''Well, what do I know about baby girls?''

''Lynette!'' Wyatt bursts out proudly. ''It means from the name of the small bird. Whatever that means.''

''Stop it with the birds,'' Ruby orders.

''Fine.'' Wyatt flips through the book again. ''Prue.''

''As in _Charmed_?'' Dean asks, making an attempt to look over Wyatt's shoulder.

''Hannah.''

Dean throws a look over his shoulder as he pours another cup of coffee. ''I knew a Hannah once.''

Ruby tenses and wrinkles her nose. ''Next.''

''Quincy.'' Wyatt buries his nose deeper into the book. ''No. That's not right.''

''See? Not that easy, is it?'' Dean inquires, sitting back down next to Ruby. Before he can raise his mug to his lips, she startles him by handing him the baby without a word. He glances down at the baby in his arms, that same smile beginning on his lips that he's been unable to wipe off his face for the last few days.

''I appreciate you helping, Wy,'' Ruby says gently, placing a hand on her son's shoulder. He doesn't react, still too buried in the book to even notice her presence or react to her touch. ''But picking out a name isn't that easy to do. You can't just randomly flip through a baby name book. There needs to be plans and lists and - ''

''Ella.''

She freezes and Dean looks up sharply, their eyes locking together. ''Ella,'' Dean whispers, gaze falling on his daughter. Yeah. That sounds about right. She looks like an Ella.

''Ella,'' Wyatt says again, firmly. ''That's her name.''

''That's a beautiful name, Wyatt,'' Ruby whispers, sitting next to Dean and running a finger down the baby's soft cheek. ''Are you Ella?''

In her father's arms, the child stirs and blinks open blue eyes slowly.

Oh yeah.

She's Ella.

* * *

Something that is not a nightmare tears him out of his sleep on a Thursday night. There is a noise coming from downstairs, barely audible. Beside him, Ruby doesn't hear it, remaining fast asleep, her breathing even, her hair fanned out on her pillow. The baby monitor that remains silent tells him the noise hasn't woken up Ella either. When Dean bolts upright at the sound, the dog at the end of the bed raises her head to stare at him. Blank and calm, he rises to his feet, eyes falling on the dog briefly. ''You stay here and keep an eye on her, Tallie.''

Tallie scuttles closer to Ruby and lowers her head, eyes open and focused on the sleeping woman in the bed.

Dean absently pats the dog on the head, murmuring a soft, ''good girl'' before he makes his way out of the room and into the darkened hallway. He pokes his head into the kid's rooms, but they're both safe and sleeping soundly. Finely tuned instincts pick up on the sound of floorboards creaking downstairs and he comes this close to heaving a heavy sigh and rolling his eyes when he sees the silhouette of a man. He moves downstairs slowly and silently, lurking in the shadows until he gets to the living room. When the intruder comes closer, he presses himself against the wall and waits. The intruder steps towards the stairs and Dean throws a punch.

His 'finely tuned instincts' are not enough, however, to keep him from being pinned to the ground by hands that feel...oddly familiar. ''Whoa,'' a voice says softly, ''easy, tiger.''

Okay, so he's...dreaming? Losing his mind? Blinking, Dean looks up at the familiar stranger with wide eyes. ''...Sam?'' His brother looms over him, big and strong and smiling and...Dean would so like to be terrified or angry. But he's looking in those eyes and all he sees is _Sammy._ ''You scared the crap out of me,'' he finally says in a deadpan, honestly believing that this is a dream. He's had this dream before, after all. It always ends the same. He's trembling and Ruby's holding onto him and Sam's _gonegonegone._ But this time...

''That's 'cause you're out of practice,'' Sam says calmly.

Dean's eyes flash, his fingers curl tight around Sam's shirt and in an instant, the roles are reversed and Dean's on top, a pleased smirk starting on his lips. It's strange. But Dean's beginning to think maybe he _isn't_ dreaming.

Sam laughs. ''Or not.'' Then he grimaces under the weight of his brother and tight grip Dean has on him and pushes him off slightly. ''Get off me.''

It's only when they stand and Dean gets a look at his brother that he realizes this is _real._ His eyes widen and he takes a small step away. His brain is telling him to reach for the holy water, but he's frozen in place, eyes locked on the sight of his long lost brother. The one he's spent a year dreaming about and thinking about. His baby brother, the one who saved the world, is back and he's standing right here in front of him with those same puppy dog eyes of his that Dean has missed more than anything. ''Sammy,'' he chokes out at last. ''What the hell are you doing here?''

''Well,'' Sam shoots him a smirk that is one hundred percent Winchester and something in his eyes tells him that everything is going to be okay now. ''I _was_ lookin' for a beer...''

_like a river flows  
__surely to the sea  
__darling so it goes  
__some things are meant to be_

_take my hand,  
__take my whole life too  
__for i can't help  
__falling in love with you_

**The End**

* * *

**AN: And that's all she wrote! It's over! Well, this story's been fun. I've laughed, I've cried, I've wanted to smack Dean upside the head and now it's over. I'm thinking about maybe doing a few extras for this story if I have time before I leave for summer vacation. Maybe some missing scenes or a soundtrack or something. All I know is that I really love this story and I'm very sad that it's over. Other than that, I really hope you've all enjoyed it as much as I have. It was a quite a ride.**


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